Sunday, May 30, 2004

In the middle of a storm

I love storms, and I can't stop feeling amazed for the wonderful show of lightning and thunder. It's like a miracle. I enjoy it.
Tonight is very scary. The sky is roaring and full of light.
There is a tornado warning and I don't care. I can't imagine something most beautiful than this heaven's fury.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I'm so tired

I don't feel like I can go on. Today my boss asked me to take over a new client program and I said yes, but once we started the meeting with the people that has been doing this for so long I got completely lost. I don't know what they were talking about or what do I have to do.
I honestly feel like running away from here.
I've been talking to my husband about this. I want to get out of this town, the sooner the better.

Monday, May 24, 2004

All things considered...

Welll, not all but some.
If I wouldn't had gained so much weight it would be easier for me to pursue a career as a singer. Maybe a jazz singer. I have so much talent!!
Maybe some day Luck will look at me as it looked at Nellie McKay and decide that I also deserve to go on tour for Europe with Sting or Alanis Morrisette.
I'm not envious. I'm not even jealous. I'm just here, knowing that I don't know where should I be.


I've been thinking a lot lately. Maybe I should stop working as a customer service representative. Besides, it takes way too many words to describe my job. I wish I could say just something short like "nurse" or "clerk" or "teacher".
It doesn't make too much sense to stay working on something that really doesn't give me any excitement at all. I don't feel any interest in my job and maybe there is out there somebody that really cares and needs a job like this. It makes me feel so ungratefull. I wonder what is out there for me, I mean, besides from the bills to pay. I don't know if there is actually something that I could be really good at it and it wouldn't cause me to get bored after some time.
Oh! It's just that I'm such a coward! There is always something that stops me. If I had the courage, I would take my suitcases and would fly to NY and start my life in a big city like that. Without having to drive ever.
My husband says that I have to be patient and finish my CISCO certification. The problem now, is that I'm not sure that even that is what I really want.
I wish that taking decisions in life wasn't always so complicated.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Testosterone: blessing or curse??

I went to the Golden Nugget this morning surprisingly early. I don't use to get up early on weekends. Last night I had some drinks and when I came back home I just fell asleep until this morning. Of course I slept enough to get up early today and get breakfast at my favorite place without waiting an hour for a table.
And there we were. Having our omelets and bagels and that wonderful coffee. We started talking about movies and Matrix came up. We started discussing what went wrong with those sequels. My theory is that they simplely were not necessary. When you make a movie you think: "well, I have this wonderful story and we need to do a wonderful job with it which I already have in mind how to do". When you do a second part you think: "ok, we had this unbelievable blockbuster movie and we could get more money from it, just imagine that!". So the first time people is moved for the muses of art and the second (and sometimes also third or more) they are moved by ambition and this last one is not a good adviser all the time.
Then I started saying all the stuff that I hate from Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions. The point was always the excess of testosterone. Those extremely eternal car chasing in the highway (which we have seen in so many thousand of other movies). The thousand of machines all over the place, that actually it looked to me as a way to show off the money available to make a movie this time. I can almost imagine the directors of the movies: "Hey! Look at us now, and compare the first Matrix with this baby!! Who is George Lukas in comparison to us now!!" (You can add some nerd type of laugh after that thought and you will have the whole picture).
Why men have to do that type of things? Then it hit me. I heard a few weeks ago this show in the radio about Testosterone. The show is called "This American Life" and is transmitted on NPR every weekend.
You people should hear this kind of shows instead wasting time watching TV all the time.
The thing is that I had this theory. I must admit that I need some more research on it and more study to make my affirmations. Anyways, maybe, we should measure men's testosterone in some sort of routine examination like those that women have to go through every year. If a man has a testosterone level that could be harmful for the society and/or the world(this being evaluated among other factors that play a role in the social behavior) then he should have some of that testosterone removed. Not a big deal, just a little. Enough to allow us to get rid of things like Britney Spears, SUVs, car chasing, Nascar, bar fights, NRA and all that stuff that doesn't do anything but screw up this world. It would be like an Domino effect. We would have people that would spend more time enjoying life just like it is and trying to develop more social skills. We would end wars and would improve the environment by reducing the gas-emissions with smaller cars, since men wouldn't feel like the have to brag about how they have the biggest truck on the neighborhood.
This would be such a most wonderful place to live with a little less testosterone.
Do you want prove? Look at the state of our planet after thousand of years under male control. We need less testosterone around, seriously.

More interesting studies on the matter:

New Scientist - Too much testosterone blights social skills

Friday, May 21, 2004

Just one more minute...

... and I will be free to go and enjoy this weekend that before starting it gets already too short.

It looks like some people is up to go out tonight after all. Although I don't know where yet.

I just want to have a fun time somewhere. I guess I'll go to have breakfast to the Golden Nugget tomorrow. I just love that place. It doesn't have the fancy stuff that most restaurant in this area have, but I feeel comfortable and people treats me good.

Besides, they have the best coffee ever.
The bell has rang. Time to go home... or somewhere else.

Slow day

Today half of my office is out. They went to some place else to check on some procedure stuff.
Of course we, as good slaves of the phones, have to stay in our places taking care of customers. Nothing really bad about that though. If feels kind of good the freedom of having the place just for ourselves.
I've been lazy today. I don't want to do anything, just have fun. Maybe is because is friday and I should be celebrating "Saint Friday".
However nobody has planes to go out tonight. I think I should go to the movies maybe or finally kill my points card from Dave and Buster's.
How lazy I feel.
I want to go visit my husband's grandparents. I wonder how are they doing. Papaw is sick and Mamaw dedicates every second of the day to be with him and take care of him. I love them both so dearly that I've considered always unfair to have meet them just now. Anyhow. I think this weekend I will visit them.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

at class

It's 20:05 and almost everybody is leaving.
The guy that usually sits next to me today brought his girlfriend with him. I wonder if she is a geek like him.
Everybody is leaving.
Maybe i should do the same.
I'm feeling the pressure from the environment to let my instructor go home too
He has been very nice to me today.
I got 80% in the last test and I went to ask him to explain me my falls. He did it and now I see life in a different way. Where administrative distance between routers actually makes sense. Finally.


Sing my song!!!

I need a haircut. Seriously.
I'm starting to look like a monkey again and I feel like a freak.
But I hate the Beauty saloons. It's like going shopping. So distressing!!
Besides, in 2 years living here I haven't learnt how to explain what I want to be done in my head. I feel so comfortable as with a visit to the doctor. You know that after explaining what is going on they won't tell you what they are really thinking until the end. It's like a suspense movie.
Also, you are supposed to talk to your hair stylist. That's they way they are known as the center of gossip in this world! But I honestly have never found somebody interested in what I can say.
We are from separated worlds and even when we really want to know each other better there is no way to connect. Polite smiles and thanks and that's it.
No more, no less.

Something Good to Tell

I was going to use the word "nice" but just "good" is better.
I received an e-mail from my instructor of CISCO. He told me not to worry about the class I missed on Tuesday and expect to see me today. It makes me feel good that he noticed my absence. It's not that I feel insignificant (which I don't), but he took a minute to send me an email and let me know that.
Maybe testosterone won't be so heavy today after all :)

Today I'm going to classes no matter what... I have so many things to catch up with!!!


I like these guys. There is a park near my apartment and there is a bunch of them. Unfortunately there is also some idiots that think is fun to encourage their dog to attack them.
Sometimes it surprises me the low that a human being can be.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Change of Title

Yes, I did it.
This is a way to express the state of my life since I arrived to Ohio. I feel so excited of waking up everyday to live just the same things of the day before.

Today I decided that I will write good things too, so I will compensate for the bad things. Like i wrote about Bjork and my friend Paula and also about the people that calls Customer Service. In that way I keep the balance.
It's easier to remember the bad things though.

Good things to go to bed with a good feeling?...
... thinking...
... I ate chicken and found a brush to clean a pair of red suede shoes... also I got to go for a long walk at the park and I saw a bunch of wild ducks.
Too many good things for today.
Time to go to bed.

Full Moon

I don't know what is wrong with this people today.
Is it full moon or something like that?
Everybody seems to think that today is a good day to pick up the phone and call somebody (like me) and be as rude as it can be.
This people doesn't have any education.
A woman called me this morning for a authorization number and when I asked her what category of service should I put as a reference for her check she basically yelled at me:
-I don't know!! You just have to give me an authorization number!!

What a heck!? I try to be nice and all I get back is that type of response? Hey people!!! I'm not a good nature nice person!! Not at all. Actually I'm pretty mean and I enjoy when I can make you mad reminding you your own stupidity. Even with that I try to be nice and sweet and help you out. That's my job. For some reason God thought that it would be a good joke to put me to work as a customer service representative. So you people should be thankful that I do such a wonderful job and treat you like you actually deserve some consideration.

Another man called this morning also and asked me to open his account, I tried to verify his personal information in order to make sure I'm talking to the correct person and he wouldn't give it to me. He inmediately asked for my supervisor and then hung up on me.
Can you be more rude? this people doesn't realize that the only reason because we don't make them shut up and listen is because we would lose the paycheck, but that doesn't make them cooler or better persons than us.

Hasn't people gone to school? I thought it was the law to send children to school. Even in a 3rd world country like mine everybody knows that is the lowest and vulgar and rude thing to do to hung up the phone on somebody. I would break up with my fiance if he would do such a thing to me.

This has been a bad day to work at the customer service department. I don't know what this people is having for breakfast. And is not like everybody is the same. I shouldn't generalize because there are really cool people out there too, but this group of primitive examples of undeveloped human beings mess up with my real vision of the rest of the world.

You know... that's a great way to breed psychos for the society. Stop pushing the buttons!!


I love that song from Bjork . Besides, it was the point of inspiration for my husband webpage. There is a part in that song where she says "How scandinavian of me" and for some reason i can't think of a better phrase to include in a song. So my husband put that phrase as the name of his blog.
I love Bjork. I never paid much attention to her really. I had this friend Paula, and back in 1997 she would visit me all the time at my office at the university where she was a student and I was the Lab Assistant. She would appear with her hair just like Bjork in that video of "Venus as a Boy" . She look strange, and in a country like Chile there is not very much room for excentricity. I just loved her style out of the normal. she didn't care very much about the conventional ways of the rest of us, or at least not too much. Besides, the people that would laugh at her was usually people that I wouldn't be interested in pleasing anyways. The typical "blah!" people.
One day I was listening to the radio in my office and she run to turn up the volume because They were playing "Big Time Sensuality" and she seemed to love that song. She said that was good to dance with it.
That was the first time I pay some attention to Bjork and the first time I had any simpathy for something so "alternative".
Years later I read some very good critics about a movie called "Dancer in the dark" from Lars Von Trier. Catherine Deneuve and Bjork were acting. I though that it sounded too surreal and bizarre to have two persons so different from each other doing a movie together!
So I went to see it. Have been few movies that have touched me the way that movie did. It was so strong, so powerful, so full that I can't quite find words to describe how unbelievable was the experience. I cried so much, I cried the whole end of the movie, after the movie, the way back home and at home too. I took me several hours to recover.
Since that day I've bought all the albums and I've payed attention at every note of each song.
I guess that besides the quality of her work the most important reason is still the memories from my friend Paula. She is one of the most special friends I've ever had and I miss her a lot. And I thank her for introducing me to Bjork, among 3 million of other wonderful reasons.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

At the office

After 5 o'clock instead of going home to a well deserved rest I have to go to classes. I'm taking this CISCO certification class and of course is just a bunch of guys and the only women are me and another girl.
The testosterone is so thick that it becomes sofocating sometimes. I like this stuff but these guys make me feel like I shouldn't be there.
The only thing that pushes me to keep going is the fact that I don't want to waste the money I payed for that class and the possibility of getting a new job somewhere else. I wouldn't mind to stay in the same company since people here is mostly very good, but I hate my current position. I just hate to answer the f*** phone and I don't have any way around it since I'm a customer Service representative. The problem is that I don't care about anything related to customer service. I don't care about their stupid surveys and I don't care about my statistics and I don't care about the damn newsletter that I'm in charge of now. I really don't care and I wish could get rid of all this at once.
I'm getting really bitter.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

I'm so lost...

Tomorrow I have classes and i should have studied 2 chapters from the bible that they gave me as a Study Guide. However i haven't done anything. That really sucks. I don't want to do anything at all and I feel like a need a log vacation out of this planet.
I'm lost in this blog thing and I only want to write and read and wirte some more.
I have a movie to take back to the video store. I have to go with my husband because i don't drive. That also sucks.
I should be able to go anywhere without being foced to drive or to be driven. I hate this pseudo-city!!!

good night everyone

If I'm not out of here soon I might ...

"There's a nail in the door
And there's glass on the lawn
Tacks on the floor
And the TV is on
And I always sleep with my guns
When you're gone"


There are many reasons why i could go and freak out. One of those reasons is my answering machine. God I hate the telephone. Everytime i arrive home i shiver just to think that that fucking machine is going to greet me with some long message that usually i never stop to listen to. That answering machine knows that I don't want to know about anything and insist and give me message after message and sometimes they never end.
I've been changing messages to discourage people of talking for too long, but it doesn't seem to work. The only messages I expect to hear for long time are my sisters' messages with some crazy thing to tell me about. The rest should go directly to the point and tell me what they need and that's it. If I need to know more I will call back and ask them.
Tonight the most bizarre message was left on the machine from hell.
Thanks God i limit the time for the answering machine to 60 seconds more time would have been torture. I can't say who left it but it was insane. Somebody talking about the living will already made and stuff like that... Geee!!! I'm glad that she doesn't have a twin.

first hours after the discovery

I told my husband about my blog... Also i couldn't stop myself and I told Jean my coworker right next to my cubicle (i hate the word cubicle) about it. I have no idea if actually she is going to read this blog ever, but it still feels good to share.

I've been looking at other blogs and they are kind of interesting. I found this one about a guy that works at a "gentlemen's club" and he was talking about his neighbor's dog.
That reminded me about this guy, his name was Manuel but everybody called him "el mono" which means "the monkey". I have no idea why the name. The point is that i never liked him and even when my parents and everybody else seemed to find him nice I just didn't like him. He was the brother of the professor of acting at the cultural center where my aun Tona was the director. Also he performed as an actor and dancer from time to time at the same place. My aunt's husband had a furniture factory near the Cultural Center and right behind my house.
So every morning we heard the workers going to his labors. El mono also worked there.
In those days I have a big siberian dog. His name was Terry.
Oh how much I loved that dog. It was a very good dog.
For some reason Terry didn't like El mono either. Both of us just looked at him from far away and tried not to be seen or heard when he was around.
One day i discovered the reasons that Terry had. Sometimes my uncle Carlos (the factory owner) would pass by and if he was in bad spirit would yell at my dog and say some bad words because Terry had the bad habit of sitting in the middle of his way out. El Mono, that would come walking right behind him would do the same but giving him a kick if Terry wasn't fast enought to hide under my dad's car. Terry knew very well that he would get into troubles if he did anything to one of my uncle's workers.
One day after Terry looked very depressed because one of those kicks actually reached him and it hurt him to the point to make him cry out loud I went and talked him out of under my dad's car.
- Don't worry my dog, when that jerk comes back, go and bite him to let him know that he doesn't have any right to you to hurt you that way.

While I was caressing his head suddenly the gate to the street opened and before I could do anything about it my dog was barking in a scary way and it went directly to bite the most delicate part in a man's body... yeap.. you guessed it.
I was paralyzed and while I saw that El Mono was holding to that part with both hands completely stained in red Terry went with the most unbelievable calm and got again under my dad's car.

El Mono headed towards the factory and I run to tell my mom about the "unfortunate accident". My mom almost fainted and run to the factory to ask about what happened. It turned out to be that the dog didn't bite him, he just squeezed enough to scare him without actually hurting and the color on his hands that i thought was blood was actually barnish with which El Mono was working. The idiot was so scared that went directly to the bathroom to examine himself and make sure that "everything was still there" and after that he had to put up with my mother yelling at him in front of everybody else for kicking the dog and telling him how well deserved was the punishment.

After that episode, everything was simpathy for my dog, although Terry wouldn't wag his tail for anybody out of the family.

good dog!

I'm not really sure about this...

...and it is because my english grammar really sucks. I envy those that are able to put new words and develop ideas and don't worry about the fact that some "few" words could be in the wrong place or simplely are completely out of context.
I guess it shouldn't surprise anyone given that i'm a problem myself and I have to find the way to make things more complicated than what they already are.

Should I feel proud of myself anyways? I mean, after all I haven't taken classes of english anywhere and basically all I know is what I taught myself. Listening, listening, singing and listening some more. I wonder if somebody acomplished before what I have regarding english as a second language in a period of 2 years.

I also wonder if there will be someone interested in reading this. Maybe someday if I become famous somebody will say something about this site.
Anyways, here we go, starting a blog about things in my life.