Thursday, December 21, 2006

Not Ready to make Nice

Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it
I'm still mad that is true. Today somebody mentioned this dumbass' name and I felt as angry as I was last Sunday when I realized my stuff was gone. Today some of the stuff that was taken from us was returned, but my cd player nor the speakers we bought for the office were among those things. I really doubt I see them again.
So tonight I went and got some gift cards I receive as Christmas present from work and I got myself an Ipod. It still doesn't make me feel any better though.
I feel so rotten inside, not because of the cd player but because all this situation has showed me what kind of person this guy is and is bringing the worst from me to the surface. I feel hate and thI just can't stand to even hear his name.
How can some people be so imbecil!!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


originally uploaded by dhammza.
Ohhhhhhh... Today was one of those days in which I almost reach the top of my patience. The idiot resposible for the loss of my beloved and arcaic cd player was at the office today. I couldn't make eye contact with him. I was affraid that my eyes were machine guns and he would get shooted by them. I tried really hard to not show him how i felt because he is (apparently) a big asset for the non-profit. For what I've heard he has gotten a lot of money in donation for the Christmas presents and Holiday Party. Also he knows how to write grants and has a lot of experience in that area. Otherwise I would have already exploded.
He is a complete a******.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

God is trying to tell me something

Waiting for rebirth
Waiting for rebirth,
originally uploaded by access.denied.
I guess.

The other day I was watching just some silly movie and one phrase got stuck in my head: " Live everyday like it was on purpose". And tonight I started watching another silly movie and It turned out to be all about living life to the fullest. It kind of came in a good moment because I really needed some help to appreciate things around me.
Lately I have been feeling a little down.
The usual. I feel like I'm not moving anywhere, like I have no help from anybody and no support. Sometimes I just want for somebody to notice my needs and give me some support or some rest, but most of the time I am the one doing that job for everyone. I kind of have to wait for my turn, but my patience is running thin.
Things have not been easy for me lately. I worked really hard on a holiday party for needy Children and while I was there somebody got into my office and stole a cd player I got from my my kudos at my first job in USA some years ago. It wasn't anything modern, I know, but it had a sentimental value. The guy responsible for this situation didn't even acknowledge the loss and didn't give it any importance. I got so angry. I put him on my sh** list right away. I better don't see his face in a while.
So that was the last straw really, from several days of hard, hard work, little sleep and big efforts to make a happy family, a happy work place and a better world. Sometimes I feel like the only one person that appreciates what I do is my boss, and isn't that somthing weird? Usually is the opposite for most of people.
Now I think God wants me to know that I need to start taking control of my life.
I feel like I'm living in one of those dreams where you need to run but your legs are not moving and your body just doesn't respond, if anything it moves so slowly that you can't go anywhere anyways. Can you wake up from that nightmare anyways?
Maybe I just need to watch another silly movie to hear the answer.