Saturday, June 19, 2004

Reassuring Memories

This morning I called my sister. All of the sudden I needed to talk to her and ask her about things of our childhood. For reasons that I will never ever publish and only people really close to me knows I tend to question my own memories from time to time. So I ask my sister if she remembered an opportunity when we were invited to this "birthday party" where the girls that lived a street after ours took us. It was kind of strange for me because I didn't know whose birthday was this and also because we had to pay a little bit of money (maybe like $5 Chilean pesos, in those days) to be admitted in. It was fun though.
My mom was concerned about letting us go because things were kind of shaken up a little. She heard about some shootings around the military complex near home. To get to this party we had to cross through the military complex unless we wanted to walk three times the same distance. But one of the girls that would take us there (she and her sisters were much older than me and my sister and therefore they were usually babysitting us) convinced my mom that the shootings of that morning were gone and that now everything was completely safe.
I have to make a stop here because I'm afraid that people won't understand the context if I don't explain it a little further.
In those years I was probably 7 or 8 years old and my sister 4 or 5. I don't quite remember our age at that time. We were living about a decade of military dictatorship in my country and at that moment there was no surprise on hearing shootings, having blackouts every night, being in the middle of a protest or simplely got beaten up by police just because. That was an everyday life at least at my side of the city.
The most common words in the news were "molotov", "marxism", "extremists", "terrorist" and any other that the government could use to accuse those that were opposed to Pinochet's dictatorship.
My parents have been always quiet people and were never involved in protest or political debate simplely because it was their duty to protect us and nobody wanted to be accused of being a communist or something like that. You didn't need the police to come to your house, beat you up until almost kill you and then ask the questions.
Those experiences were kind of common those days and sometimes you would know about people that went to answer the door and never came back.
In this day to day life we weren't afraid about going through a military complex because we were faced with terror so often that it wasn't so scary anymore, it was just life. Besides, there was many people that didn't even imagined that this could have an end someday so we might as well just deal with it.
My sister, the girls of the other street and other children my age walked silently throughout the military complex. Nobody wanted to get caught by a lose bullet or something like that. At the end of the military complex the exit was a small and very rusty turnstile that from my point of view was really an amusing device. I liked it so much that when the party got to an end and we headed back home in the middle of the night I run ahead of the group with somebody else that I can't remember who was, maybe other child or one of the big girls. I passed the turnstile again, excited by the magic sensation of his rusty sound and the fascinating idea of getting stock in there without ever being able to escape from its spinning. However the rust made it very hard to turn so we just passed and kept running ahead of the group. Just a few meters ahead there were two men. One was with his hands up and the other had a gun pointing at him. The first man just said almost crying "Help me please!" and by that time the rest of the group caught up with us and I just heard the voices yelling at me, and whoever the other person next to me was, to run back and get out of there. I was terrified and, the seconds before hard to move turnstile, was spinning like new. Some of the group just jump over it and some of us didn't care and just passed under it. And we run like mad. Scared we run blocks in middle of the night sure that the guy with the gun would come after us. Out of breath we stoped when we felt sure that nobody followed us. I was just a child and with no right to ask nothing. The big girls decided that we couldn't come back that way and we should just take the long road back home. It was a long walk and I was really tired.
I arrived home and I don't remember if I told something to my mom about it. And differently from what anyone could think I didn't get traumatized by that experience although I've always felt sorry for that man. Not guilty, because I was just a child and also because even if I wanted, nothing could have been done to help him. Police in those years didn't care about us, the people. Their job was to keep the population on line and scared enough to not attempt anything against the authority. Besides that, we would see them as merciless tyrants and torturers. I know that I might be unfair to them, but that was the general feeling in those days. Justice? That was just a dream that even today seems very far away from those that can't pay for it.
I called my sister this morning and asked her if whether she remembered that strange birthday party where we had to pay to get there.
-The one where we cross the military complex? - she asked
- Yes, that one. What do you remember from that?
- not much, we cross the military complex and late that night we tried to do the same thing but we had to get out of there running.
- So you remembered that too - Now I was sure it wasn't just my imagination or a dream. - And do you remember why we have to run away?
- Not really.
- Did you get to see those two men meters after the entrance?
- No, I just remember we had to run to get out of there very fast and then we walked back home. We walked a lot.
-Thanks, I just wanted to make sure I didn't dream all that. If you remember more things, just write ok?
- OK.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Yeahh!!! I'm so happy... at least temporarily

Today I was depressed. I don't really need a reason to be depressed anymore, it's just a state that has a mind on its own.
Anyways, there are just simple and little things that cause me to go a little more annoyed at life and hating the world and writting my "Evil Black list of Doom" where anybody that makes things that make me sad will fall in. Like that guy that thinks is funny and keep making stupid jokes and using that loud and maniac FAKE laugh to be noticeable. That doesn't make me mad or sad, is the fact that there is actually idiots that laugh at those things and give him tribune to keep doing it what really bothers me. I guess there is a freak like that in every office in the world. Well, at least i'm improving and trying to be a little more tolerant everyday. I used to be bothered for breathing the same air he was breathing.

Anyways. This morning I was depressed so I sat down and started reading the news, like that would be able to cher me up. After a while I got bored and I decided was time to waste a few minutes going to heat up a bowl of cereal and have some coffee. We have this lunch room which I rarely use and I go there to put the ceral in the microwave. I hit the timer and when I turn back I realize that there is this door that I never saw before and one of the guys from the Network Operations is in there. I greet him and we start talkin about subnet and stuff. He showed me the switches and wiring closet and long story short he invited me to help them to move some stuff from one floor to another by the end of summer. I don't care if I have to call in sick in order to do it but I will. I'm so happy and excited that I completely forgot about all the bad things in my schedule of thinking.
I can't help to be happy for that. That means so much to me! Finally doing something that I like to do. Cool!!!
Geeks rule!!!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Kings Island

Finally, yesterday my husband received the tickets to go to Kings Island this weekend. His company is doing a picnic for the employees.
Well deserved considering that they are cheaper labor that would it be having their jobs sent to Mexico, India or any of those countries where companies are outsourcing nowadays.
My husband's birthday is this week. I already have a present, although it's not very much so. I bought a t-shirt that reads "Social engineer: because there is no patch for human stupidity". I wanted one too, but in my workplace I don't think that something like that would have got very much of a praise. After all "is not nice". So I decided for one that reads "There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those that don't". I was also thinking in that one that says "There is no place like" but it was too much money already.
Anyways, my theory is that a gift is not so if you buy one for you too. It's not special anymore. It as to be unique. So now I have to think in something from here to Friday. I don't have to many ideas to be honest. My creativity is everyday shrinking more and more. I think is the lack of stimulation from the environment. Now I'm starting to understand why there is people that believes in drugs. Their brains kind of dries for lack of intellectual activity.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Just another maniac monday

Starting the week again. It's a pretty day and I'm happy to say that I took all the tests for the CCNA. Now I just need to concentrate in the finals of this week. Last night I feel so without a purpose. I was between relaxed because I took all the tests and anxious because I felt like there were many more things to do pending and waiting for me to catch up with.
Last night I went to sleep very tired. Like after thousand of hours of exercise. Long time without feeling like that. I must admit that I had the help of a couple pills.

I came to work and everything is so calm that scares me. I know I have a bunch stuff to do is just that I can't figure out where to start at.
I better go back to work.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

::: n e l l i e m c k a y . n e t :::

::: n e l l i e m c k a y . n e t ::: music :: lyrics

I've been listening to Nellie McKay lately. It puts me in a good mood.

Today I worked just half the day. I have a bunch of stuff to study and I just did a online quiz that got me like 80%correct answers, but that's ok. I'm thinking if I should take the online test for the TCP module or not. Probably I will just sit to study more about the ACL. I don't know why this class all of the sudden seems so hard to me.
I've been so tempted to say "Forget about it and take a nap but i'm proud to say that I've decided just to ignore myself. In fact, I think I'll leave this blog for now and be back with my Access Control Lists

What a crazy day.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

32 flavours and then some...

I'd never try to give my life meaning by demeaning you
And I would like to state for the record...
I did everything that I could do

Alana Davis - 32 Flavors and then some

This weekend I spent it just studying. I'm tired instead of rested like everybody else probably is doing.
Even with that I didn't get to catch up with all the stuff I wanted to. I still have 2 more online tests to give and 4 quizes to complete, plus 1 and a 1/2 chapters from my book of CISCO to read. It sounds terrible. I'm going to sacrifice the lunch with my husband today to be able to finish the stuff I have to give to my instructor today.
On Sunday I got together with a classmate and if I thought that I was discouraged this girl was doing 3 times worse than me in that department. All of the sudden these classes got so complicated for us and even if I pay attention to my instructor I have a heck of a time understanding. It's like trying to understand chinese.
The next week are the finals and we will have a hands on test that is really freaking me out.

In other news, today will be a very hard day. I have to take care of the stuff that is pending from a coworker that was let go last week.
Preparing for that I got up extra early and went for a good dosage of Coffee and breakfast to the Golden Nuggett. It was good and now I'm almost ready to start with this torture of doing something that I have no idea how to take care of.

My husband is going to call a doctor and get an appointment soon to try to figure out all my health issues that have been put aside for quite some time and that can't wait any longer.

Well, my week has started and I just have a couple minutes to login ton the phones. Yeah! (<--that was a sarcasm, of course).