Sunday, April 20, 2008

Can't Sleep

It's Sunday morning... 5:10 am
I can't believe I woke up this early.
I was sleeping and all of the sudden I woke up with this terrible sensation and only one thought:
I file the wrong SSN in my tax return!!
I can't believe it but apparently I did.
Here is the thing. I don't understand the tax return thing. My husband does it every year. And just like the year before and the one before that, I've been telling him to take them to a professional.
He refuses. And not only that, but he also procrastinates till the very last minute to file.
This Tuesday, he went to my office while I was in the middle of a VERY CRAZY-BUSY day and while my boss is giving me directions and the phone is ringing, he is holding the paper form for me to sign and put my SSN in it. Of course I had trouble remembering my SSN in the middle of all that so I put what I thought was the correct number and then run to grab the phone.
Then he run for his life to the Post Office believing it would be a very long long line.
I haven't thought about it until this morning. Now I can't get back to sleep, and my husband is dreaming like a little angel.
I went to one of my favorite websites to get rid of all my negative thoughts. It's beautiful.
I feel a little better now.
We will see tomorrow what we can do about this problem. I hate the government forms and bureaucracy. I have more chances of getting to learn and understand Chinese than understanding tax forms.
I'm going to wake up my husband. If I'm going to be deprived of my sleep he should suffer too. It's only fair. I know... I'm awful.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

"Do You Speak English ?"

I absolutely loved this post.
One of those things you find digging here and there.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Passion Killers

picture by rogiro

Bureaucracy is really like very old underwear: a total passion-killer.
So I got this amazing opportunity to carry on this research project at work. It's a collaborative project funded by a local government agency. The money is there, we got the contacts to make it happen, we have the perfect person to conduct the research, the facilities, the equipment and the energy. The only problem is that we need to go over a huge mountain of papers and people that I don't even know in order to make it happen.
Download this form, fill it up, make the Principal investigator sign it (that btw would be my boss who is in vacations for a month), then route it to this department... then this other one... and then send it back to us, with a budget, the proposal, the scope of work ad then we can start the process to see how to make it work.
Seriously, I feel like shooting myself in the head.
We are literally tied up to a million of rules that I'm sure have a good reason to be in this place, but really, they kill any creativity.
I've found myself disregarding great ideas and projects because I don't feel like going through the process of figuring out how to make this happen after I've found all the possible resources.
It just kills my drive!
I've also found myself today walking outside my office to cool down my head and talk myself into not getting discouraged and do whatever it takes to make this great opportunity for my offices work out. It was freezing outside so it sort of worked out well. I came back after an hour to my desk ready to tackle the bunch of forms and processes to follow, but i wasn't feeling less frustrated at all.
Well, I found this great post from Lee Brown, an interior designer ranting like I do about bureaucracy in her field of expertise.
Is really hard to get creative and run with your ideas when a huge machine is wrapped up to your neck.

Friday, December 07, 2007

The Art of Letting go

I guess it is a form of art and I totally lack the talent.
I don't know how to let go and how to stop going over and over the same situation until I make everybody sick of it.
Today, I had a student helping me at the office and her chair broke, which caused her to fall and hurt herself really bad. She already has back problems and she has been attending physical therapy. I was really worried so I sent her to the Student Health services, and then I wrote a Memo to my boss about the incident.
I tell you, I was feeling so much like crap, mostly because we don't have the money to buy good furniture so all the stuff we have is recycled furniture from other offices, things that other people doesn't want we reuse it at our office.
When I saw the face of that girl today trying to stop the tears from coming out I felt like a piece of crap. There she is trying to help us and the damn chair breaks on her. And I can't do anything about it. I almost started crying too.
It's so unfair! My office is trying to help a group that is almost 20% of our population and we are set to a building that used to be lockers for the local Football team 50 years ago, and with almost no windows. We can not make any major changes because the building is pre-asbestos era, and if that is not enough they sent us to the basement of said building. All the money we receive (which is very little in comparison to the amount we really need for the things we want to accomplish) has to be used to do the activities and programs that our community needs. My boss barely sleeps working for this Center and doing classes (she is also professor) and I can tell she is really worried about the future of our Research Center given the cuts that projects like ours are experiencing from State and Federal funding.
Last weekend I didn't even sleep working to prepare a meeting to be able to get support and I think it was successful, but we won't be able to tell until we receive some money as an outcome from that.
New furniture is not in our budget and is not really affordable.
I wish that somebody could donate some nice furniture. I'm so sick of all the almost useless stuff. I'm very lucky we were able to secure money to buy me a good computer that actually shows the images on the screen. But I'm afraid that is where the magic ends.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

To Complete The Mission...

I got a million of things to take care of. I'm absolutely going bananas, and yet, i'm blogging.
I know, I know, I haven't blogged since forever, but I really LOOOVVVVVEEE my new job and I'm really absorbed by it.
So far it can hardly get any better, people are amazing and my boss is the best.
Just one problem has arisen in these few months.
The girl that works with me.
I don't know. She seems so lost in the space.
She is really a good girl and one of those persons that deserve to be happy. But everytime I turn around it seems like she is looking for ways to sabotage herself and her success. You know that type of woman? They seem to be always making the wrong decisions, making poor judgment and then regretting every single step they take.
They are the perfect victims.
And they inspire you to help, to shelter them, to extend a hand to them. But then, when everything seems to be manageable again, they do something that makes you think "What the f***?".
At some point you will stop giving advise or even caring, you will just shrug and move on. I hate that part, but I feel I'm there right now.
She came to me yesterday to tell me the great news.
Her boyfriend proposed during the weekend.
They have been going out for a little more than a month, and now they are getting married, in the spring. Age? Super Young. Something like 22 I believe.
I don't know what is the fixation with women in this country on getting married as soon as they find somebody that calls them pretty.
Are they that lonely?
I didn't even dreamt of marriage at that age. I really wanted to be free. Being single was so cool!! If it wasn't because the law wouldn't allow me to be with my love in the same country unless I walk the aisle I wouldn't be married yet.
Anyhow. I feel like I'm watching a train going directly to the cliff. I mean, they have barely been together enough to really make a commitment that huge, and also, she is maniac depresive and looks like is having bipolar issues.
I'm tired now. I was honest and told her what I thought about getting married so young, with so much baggage, and in so little time. What is the rush?
Awell. she is old enough to take her own decisions.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


I definitely love my job.
How did I figured that out? Because I got up one day at 5 in the morning ready to get to the office earlier and I was HAPPY about it.
These last 3 months have been really crazy and freakishly challenging. And I must also add that nothing is getting easier for me as time goes by. But I'm happy to face those challenges. I read this long time ago and it has helped me a lot in this new job (Thanks a million for that post Elise!). Every little piece of advise from Tina Seelig has been a treasure that really helped me in the hardest moments, when I had to prove myself on front of people that expected nothing but perfection.
I got to say also that I got a wonderful boss that, although is really pushy, she really gets the best of me.
Now it's time to get back to school. Finally after years of dreaming of this it finally comes true. I will get to go to college. I will be able to graduate from college and accomplish the biggest dream of my life. This is a long overdue debt with myself and the time has come to pay it. I can't be more excited, happy and... confused?
Yeap. My life has gone and so many different directions in the last years that what I wanted to be 5 years ago doesn't seem to be quite accurate anymore.
I still love technology, but I've grown so disappointed on the environment that I'm afraid that I will end up accruing another one to my list.
Also, my boss pointed out something very important. I have people skills and I really love to socialize and learn from people, but the IT world is not very conductive to socializing.
I don't know what to do.
I've been thinking on Engineering, information systems, journalism, marketing and even social work. But everything has a down side and I don't know how to work around it.

Monday, October 08, 2007

My affair with Jude Law

Today I will endulge in a little of teenage fantasizing.
I never remember my dreams.
But for some reason I do remember this one, and I hate the fact I didn't keep on dreaming it!
I was in this travelling theater company and Jude Law was helping us to get to people and perform. When we were leaving I wrote him a letter and I went personally to read it to him.
He was so pleased and happy, because he was very simple and nice. So I read my letter mixing the english with my native language and he was so happy, he started getting closer and closer to me. He asked me with his wonderful british accent what perfume I was wearing (Evelyn Rose from Crabtree and Evelyn) and he kept getting closer and closer. I kept on reading but it was getting more and more difficult as my breath was getting shorter and shorter, the temperature was raising and I felt the touch of his face against my neck as he tried to smell my perfume.
Then my husband woke me up to go to work.
I figure I should register this dream since I doubt I will ever even get to know Jude Law. But let me tell you. He has the most amazing personality and sexiest smile on my dreams.