Friday, February 17, 2006

Don't Wait too long

Today I stopped by the offices where I temped back in October as a receptionist. People seemed happy to see me. I wanted to see them too and see how things are going and of course use the oportunity to let them know I'm still looking for a job. Looked like they would be very happy if I get to work with them again, but I have to be careful with whatever they offer me. I'm affraid I might be underestimated once again.

Everytime I talk to my sister about my job related issues she seems to get really upset at me. I think she blames everything on me somehow. And maybe she is right. Maybe I am the problem. How is that most of people seems to be fine and be able to find their way through whatever job is left on their laps? I don't get it.
I don't thinkI've ever been happy on a job. I've hated them all!
Do I hate to work? Is that the problem?
Many time I've thought that maybe I was born to be a housewife. Stay-home-mom as they call it now.
I picture myself full of children making preserves and canning veggies for winter. Spending my whole day in the kitchen preparing all kind of dishes that my children will remember till the day they die because nobody will cook like me.

But how is that I can't find anything further than that to fulfill me?
I remember when I was 10 years old and we were taugth the talents story from the Bible. Basically said that if you don't use your talents you lose them. The only real talent I think I have is my voice. Maybe that is where I should find my way and I'm just wasting time right now.
Whatever it is my vocation I just want to know what a heck it is... the soonest the better.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Just like a fish

I like writting when I have the inspiration to do so, but today and yesterday too, I only got to the blogging affairs due to the fact that at my new job I have nothing to do. I'm literally just sitting on my desk reorganizing over and over the penholder, stapler, etc. I've cleaned the desk so many times that I know every spot by heart.
My boss just passed by and commented out loud:
-Oh! She is cleaning her desk 'cause apparently she has a lot of time to do it.
It wasn't in bad mood... I think. I can never be sure because I rarely talk to him.

When I came here I came because they promissed me a lot of stuff to do and oportunities to grow.
Grow my derriere I guess because is the only thing I notice increasing during this past week.
My supervisor is losing her mind trying to find projects for me and stuff to keep me busy but I'm evidently way too fast for them.
For what everybody says, what takes me just and hour or so to do, it would take about two days to the person they had before me, and if that wasn't enough it would be done with lots of errors.
In my humble opinion they don't need somebody like me here. They just need somebody mildly competent.

Of course when I have that amount of down time the first thing that comes to mind is watering plants.
I kind of got tired of cleaning my desk. I'm affraid the plants will die due to overwatering.

Maybe I should concentrate on that fishing tank they have next to me. It makes some awful noises and it's getting in my nerves. I have so much time to kill that I'll end up either fixing it or drawning in it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Back to winter

The last week had been so georgeous. Amazingly beautiful days full of sun and birds singing everywhere. I even got to buy a few bulbs to plant in my garden to later realize that is not spring yet. I guess in the West you have the shortest winters which I love.
But this morning my dream of a short winter kind of broke. Snow everywhere and even with a shinny sun there are still some flakes flying around.
The differnce with the midwest is that here I can see the mountains and I forget that it's so cold and that just yesterday I was wearing a short sleeve shirt.
God I love those mountains. They are so beautiful that now I can imagine living anywhere else away from them. They lift my spirit and help me to keep on going.
I guess that is hard for anyone that grew up without them to understand the importance that this creation's presence has in my life. I grew up watching the mountains every single day of my life. They are like a mother figure or as my sister would say :" It's like a birthmark".

Friday, February 10, 2006

The Grass is Green

I'm upset.
This time is at myself though.
It seems like I'm uncapable of putting my foot down (new phrase I learned) when it's about the money.
Once again I got set in a job that I can't care less about and earning just enough to cver my needs. This is so stupid.
I've been lucky that I have to deal with nice people that treats me ok, but that doesn't pay my bills.
I come from a culture where you should be grateful you have a job to start with, so it's very hard for me to say "Sorry but this is not what I'm looking for". I feel like I have to always give it a try. It's like a voice in my head that will shout "Don't you dare to let this job oportunity pass by... you are lucky they want you when so many other people is unemployed out there".
That voice coincidentially sounds a lot like my father's.
When I started working (right after high school) I went for a job at a Tennis Club. They were looking for a Programmer (which is what I am) but what they really needed was a secretary that could deal with a Macintosh. It was just for the weekends and holidays. I accepted just to be able to give it a try and because I wasn't sure what it was that they wanted me to do. When I told my father that I hated it and that I was going to quit he yelled at me and he seemed so dissapointed that I didn't last more than a month and that I wasn't willing to try longer. He didn't understand what was wrong with it. That story has haunted me for years till now, and probably will keep on going because I don't seem to find the strength to overpower it.
Right now I'm working doing things I was never interested in doing. Yesterday somebody even asked me to water the plants and I almost burst into tears, not because I think is something too low for me or anything like that, but as I was filling up the watering can I saw me 10 years ago ready for greater things and ready to conquer the world of technology and then I was here again 10 years later filling up a watering can while I paid attention so I wouldn't miss a call.
I think I will stay for a bit on this job while something better shows up. On my part I'm already working to make things happen.The only plants I'm willing to water are the ones in my garden, the rest should never be my bussiness.