Insomnia

Several days without a good sleep finally took its toll. Yesterday I wasn’t able to come to work. I was a wreck. Between the insomnia, sinus and depression there was nothing left from me. I don’t even remember very well what I said to my husband when he tried to wake me up. I think it was as simple as “I can’t”. He called my office and I just woke up about 1:30 PM with a horrible sensation of not being able to breathe.
I spent most of the afternoon watching daytime TV and brushing my cat’s hair. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I’m lucky that the husband I have is so understanding and good to me. He doesn’t demand anything from me.
I was giving some thought to those nightmares that keep me awake. Some of them are related to my family and most of them have to do with memories from my childhood. I guess I am very insecure about everything, and I guess that I am very scared about my future and about what am I going to do with my life. All I know is that I have to do something new soon and something rewarding. Something that could make me happy. Answering phones is not my idea of future. I don’t care very much about my job and that makes much harder coming back to USA.
In my country I don’t have all the commodities that I have here but I still feel more at ease. The only reason I’m not coming back is because down there they still have a lot of prejudices that I can’t bear and I don’t feel like asking for an opportunity. I will consolidate myself and then… maybe I’ll come back.