My affair with Jude Law

Today I will endulge in a little of teenage fantasizing.
I never remember my dreams.
But for some reason I do remember this one, and I hate the fact I didn't keep on dreaming it!
I was in this travelling theater company and Jude Law was helping us to get to people and perform. When we were leaving I wrote him a letter and I went personally to read it to him.
He was so pleased and happy, because he was very simple and nice. So I read my letter mixing the english with my native language and he was so happy, he started getting closer and closer to me. He asked me with his wonderful british accent what perfume I was wearing (Evelyn Rose from Crabtree and Evelyn) and he kept getting closer and closer. I kept on reading but it was getting more and more difficult as my breath was getting shorter and shorter, the temperature was raising and I felt the touch of his face against my neck as he tried to smell my perfume.
Then my husband woke me up to go to work.
I figure I should register this dream since I doubt I will ever even get to know Jude Law. But let me tell you. He has the most amazing personality and sexiest smile on my dreams.

9 to 5

Well, I got my first paycheck. Just like I thought, it hurts.
I knew it would be less money (really less) but at the same time I think about all the good things that are coming my way with this new job. I look at it as an investment.
Because that is what it really is.
Still hurts, but awell.
This last couple weeks have been so exhausting. Due to the fact I don't have anybody to ask nearby and that the previous person left a huge mess, I feel sometimes overwhelmed and I wonder if I am up to this task. My boss is really happy and she and the department have been really nice and encouraging, but I can help to feel a little frustrated sometimes. The good part is that so far everything has been falling in it's place eventually, and I tell myself all the time, just like a mantra, that these are not problems but opportunities.
We are working on the organization of several events, some of which start in just a couple weeks from now.
Another good thing is the amazing freedom I've experienced with regards to creativity. I get to design a lot of graphic material without having to follow the taste of anybody but me. My boss is really pleased with the result and so are some of the board members that have come accross some of my work. That really makes me happy.

that job is mine!!!

Yeap, ladies and gentlemen, I got the job!!!

I started on Monday and make no mistake, it's really hard and demanding, but so far I'm enjoying myself.
Besides, I really like my boss. I liked my previous boss as well, but I'm really liking this new one. she is a very prominent woman in our community and she is very important in our State.
I admire her so much!
I really hope things just get better from here on.
Life is good!

Interview

I had my interview this morning and it went well I think.
Well, I can't say for sure because I haven't yet developed the ability to read people's minds.
I did like the people I'm supposed to work with though. And it was a very interesting conversation, I liked it and I had a great time.
I really want to get this new job, it seems like tailored for me.

Yes!!!

I passed the darn test!!!
I did!!
I'm almost there!
I already called my mom and my sisters and now I'm off to celebrate.
I haven't gotten the job yet, but we will see tomorrow after my interview.
:)

Wow

I took the test this morning.
All I can say is: Wow.
There were 100 questions and I just need 56 correct. Still, it was so hard that the more I think about it the more depressed I feel.
I really want this job, but this test was unbelievable!
It was almost surreal.
There were other 5 people with me trying for the same position.
They all looked like English was just their 2nd language and I wonder how did they do.
I hope I passed, otherwise I would be devastated.
It's just that although I still feel passionate about the mission of my current job, I'm growing more and more disinterested in the job itself. Part of it is the lack of involvement I'm experiencing in the decision-making procedures. I feel like my collaboration is being slowly pushed back.
Besides, I must admit that since I was offered this opportunity all I can think of is this new job. Dream on, dream on.

Preparation

Here studying like mad. On Monday is my test for this new job and I want to be the best. I want to make clear that I'm the person for that job.
I'm a little worried about my grammar and bussiness math. I make a lot of mistakes due to English being my second language, but I'll be fine.
ttfn

Hot

What a hot couple of days. The temperatures have reached record numbers and I am inside my house trying to cool down with my cats and birds. Poor hubby, had to work all of these days.
I received an email today saying that my application for this other job I SOOOOOO want, has already been approved and I have to show up in one more week for a written examination.
I'm not really worried but I will try to brush up on my business math and all that old stuff.
Now, instead of continue eating my own brain thinking of what is going to happen, I will prepare some nice Ice tea with the herbs from my backyard.
ttfn.

Everything's just wonderful

I'm bored to death.
Being bored makes me grumpy.
I already applied for that job I talked about in my last post but nothing is happening yet. I think they have to stop recruitment tomorrow and then I should know.
In the meantime every day is becoming more unbearable at my current job.
I think I mentioned some time ago that I'm not getting along with this guy that write grants for the organization. Now he is in charge of training as well and from 20 hours a week now I have to share the same air with him 40 hours a week.
I also mentioned some time ago that the only reason I put up with this a**hole is because he brings money to the organization and I don't need everybody hating me for chasing him away. Besides he has managed to kiss everybody's arse and I don't even get why everybody falls for it. It's so fake and insincere!! It revolves my stomach... literally.
I'm at the point that everytime he walks in or I hear his fake laughter my body reacts badly and my stomach starts hurting really bad.
Also, now I'm at the point where my job has nothing more to offer besides more money because I'm not doing anything really creative or exciting. The last time I tried being creative by designing a postcard that we would send out my boss came and told me to use the one she made from last year.
I really need a change so if this job that I'm so crazy about doesn't work I'll be looking for another one anyways.

On the good side: I've been playing guitar more often now. I've bought a cd I liked and the lyrics are so powerful and the music so energetic I couldn't resist myself. So I grabbed my guitar and I had a great time trying to make up the chords of the songs. I'm thinking of writing my own song... well, to tell the truth I've thought about that for a long time but I think I finally got the title for the first one: Brown nose.

Dizzy

Sometimes life takes you by surprise.
I'm used to it though.
The only thing different this time is how good or bad is the surprise.
I always tell my friends:

"Life wants you to move forward and if you don't, she pushes you... and hey, Life doesn't have soft hands and it hurts"

.
I talk because of my own experience. That is why I'm not fond of comfort zones. Every time I get too cozy and I don't want to move I get one of those pushes and it has always hurt and left me bruised.
It has always been for the better though. That is how I ended up marrying this man so "unusual" and moving to a country I never even dreamt of visiting.
That is how I've learnt so many different things and how I've meet so many different and interesting people. The key is to know that is always scary, it always terrifies you, and there is always people around you quick to advice and tell you all the possible things that could go wrong; but beyond all that you must never freeze and let it take control. Just know that you are stronger than all of that.
On the last few days I received Life's visit once again. Yeap, one of those.
It was my husband's birthday and I had to cook something really light and special at the same time because the only time that we could be together was after his job at around 11 pm. It got me very depressed and mad at the circumstances and I was thinking about the best way to make the changes I needed in my life when the phone rang. I got offered a really good job as the assistant to the Director of a Research Center at the Local University. Of course I said yes immediately but I still have to go through the whole selection process and put up with the bureaucracy necessary to make this thing work out.In the meantime I'm all dizzy and I'm kind of trying to be patient and hope for the best. I keep on thinking on the worst case scenario and trying not to freak out. I haven't been able to calm down yet and I'm enjoying every single minute of it.

After the storm

A lot of time and lots of things have happened:
1.- My sister went back home with my mom who was missing her an awful lot.

2.- Well, that darn conference has passed and finally I feel like I can breathe again.
As a matter of fact, last month most of what I’ve done is sitting down and just enjoying the silence and the calm.
It was hard at first. My sister left so the clam was even harder to process in my brain, because it got tangled with the feelings of missing her. So I was relaxed but I wasn’t happy.
Now I feel better though.

3.- I got a new neighbor and she is the sweetest lady. She has a little dog and we have a lot of things in common. Like me she spends a lot of time by herself so we agreed that if we were feeling lonely we would visit each other. She was struggling to remove the periwinkle that was growing like crazy all over the place so I went and help her clean up a section of her garden so she can plant some herbs and vegetable if she feels like it. A couple days later she came over with a present. Knowing that I love cats and I love tea, she gave me a teapot in the shape of a kitty cat.

4.- I’m looking for another job. Yes I love my job now, but I have to admit: I’m not moving forward. I’m not learning much and I think that my time here is over. I feel like I have so much to give and nobody has been able to exploit all that capabilities hidden inside me. I feel I can be a lot more but I lack of the stimulation that can ignite my creative self. Also there is another problem. I don’t have health Insurance. My husband does but he has to work weekends and holidays and I’m sick and tired of spending my holidays and weekends alone. So I want to get a job with Health Insurance so my husband can quit this other job and look for something better.

5.- I started sewing and cooking. I’m finally starting to do more crafty stuff. I love craft but just now I’m giving myself time to dedicate to my hobbies.
I’ll publish pictures of the apron I made later.

Sweet Sunday

Today I really wanted to go and relax, but I started my day by cleaning the whole house. Piles of dishes accumulated I don't now how since I washed them all the night before. We moved the birds to the dinning room where most of the action usually happens and only after cleaning and cooking some veggies I was able to treat myself by making some meat on the grill. My sister and I put all together and open a bottle of nice wine to enjoy the wonderful food.
I really needed to relax. Lately is like I am in some sort of weird dimension trying to fit in and trying just to survive.
Work is not helping much since I spend most of the time by myself or only with my boss. My sister thinks that I need to find another job with more people to socialize with. I don't know about that, but I must admit that there is a part of me that agrees with her.
Also, I can't stop thinking about my friend. The one I dreamt of the other night. I tried looking him up on the web but nothing. It's like he doesn't even exist. My only hope is that my sister or my mom are able to find an old address book and pull his number from there.
I don't want to think about tomorrow. I wish I could make my weekends last longer. I wanted so badly to clean and reorganize the garage but I run out of time.
Well, I guess I just need to wait for other 5 days till I can work on that again.

Talking about hurting people

Illinois - Union - Illinois Railway Museum - No Injury is Acceptable - All Injuries Can be Prevented - Sign.jpg,
originally uploaded by Colin Gregory Palmer.

The First cut is the deepest

Last night I had this dream about a fried of mine. I lost contact with him but now he is back in my thoughts I feel like I really need him and I really need to talk to him. I realize now that I might have hurt him really bad 10 years ago. But I was way too immature and I didn't know any better and I realize now that things work out the way they did for the better.
His memory sneaked up on me like a ghost and now it looks like it will stay with me until I pay my debt. I miss you my friend and I wish I could have your warm embrace like on those warm summer days.
I'm sorry and I miss you!!!

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy

The last week has been full of distress for my whole house. My husband, cats and now the cockatiels. Mostly because of the last ones. On friday one of them started to look really sad and his feathers were puffed up most of the time. also they spent an awful amount of time on the bottom of the cage. I started researching ad reading and I realized that it was a very bad sign. They were probably cold. So I went ahead and moved them to my bedroom. Now they both look a lot better but they still won't allow me to get very close without freaking out. they barely allow me to change their water and my husband is the one that actually has to clean them up.
It turned out to be that cokatiels are vey sensitive and temperamental birds and they absolutely HATE CHANGES. Also, it takes a long time for them to get to trust a person so we have a lot of work ahead.

I must admit I feel really lost regarding how to treat them and how not to upset them. I wich I had somebody to ask. Tomorrow I'll see this lady that has cockatiels as well and she might be able to shade some light about the whole situation.
In spite of how hard has been for the 6 of us, I still love to have them with me and to be able to give them shelter in a moment of need.

On being silenced

Día Internacional de los Derechos Humanos 05,
originally uploaded by Sorgin.

I know i have not blogged in a while. Not for lack of interest, but mostly lack of time. Is just that having my sister around I want to spend as much time with her as I can. And also want to spend all the time I can with my husband (due to our crazy schedules this is very unusual).
Well, today I went to a music rehearsal and the director is a nice professor that comes from my country. As a matter of fact the 90% of the group are from the same country which is very unusual to see in USA. Maybe is like my mom would say "God gives them life and the devil get them together".
Anyhow, I met this professor and I made a comment about something that happened a few years before I was born. Things were crazy back then and protests were increasing constantly. One day some very young students got killed at the door of a school. They were shot like animals. They were so young. They just wanted to be free, and they wanted the country to be free. I casually mentioned that to the professor and he told me he remembered that. He happened to be the director of the school in which door these kids were killed. A little after that this professor himself had to flee the country to protect his own life since they took away his right to dissent.
I was really taken back by this revelation. I was not prepared for it and it reminded me of all the repression me and my country lived for so many years. It reminded me why is so important to protect the voices of those that dare to think different and to respect them even if their voices dissent from yours. And also reminded me where things can go terribly wrong. Where is the line and where is the use and abuse.
I hear people all the time talking about freedom of speech. Most of the time these same persons have no idea what this freedom is all about. They justify bullying and violence(verbal, physical or psychological) to get the point across.
I hold very close to my heart this: If I need to use violence to make you understand I'm right, then it means I'm wrong.

Fostering Cockatiels

We have two new members in our family. They haven't got names yet and they seem to hate me with a passion (sigh) but I promised I would give them my love and that is exactly what I intend to do.
This is the story: The cockatiels belonged to this old couple. They had them for about 5 years. This couple was living with their daughter, who btw is a very wealthy lady that made a fortune with some IT companies on the 90s. She is married to this guy who also has a nice income with his own construction company.They built this "in-laws" house in their property and asked this old couple to live with them, that way they would have privacy and live comfortably till the end of their days. but after some years this sweet lady and her husband have decided that they will move to Mexico and that the old people needs to get out and with no much of a notice they took away all their furniture (which was bought with money that all the family pitched in) including their bed and now they are living with a granddaughter where there is no room for the birds. They didn't want to sell them, but give them to somebody they trust and knowing how much I love my pets they asked me if I would take them.
This whole story is horrible and it kills me to see people that has worked all their lives so hard to bring up children that will pay back in this way.Can these people get any lower? Do they need the money so badly that they need to take even the bed from their parents? And this just days from having one of them checked out of the hospital? I'm sorry for this woman because I've seen other people behave this way before and getting the worst karma (or God's punishment, whatever you prefer) for the rest of their lives. I wish them luck... with that karma they will absolutely need it.

coming down with a cold

I feel awful today. Yesterday I started feeling sick.
It was my birthday yesterday btw.
So I'm planning on going on a little trip on friday to celebrate shopping for my favorite guilty pleasures, but if this continues this way I don't know if it will be possible.
This is my birthday tradition: getting sick.

In my Language

I found this amazing video thanks to a link from zefrank.
I've always been interested in autism and although I don't know why is this I feel like I have to find a way to understand what does autism really mean.
I have not directly been touched by it by I have a friend whose adoptive son has autism and she is struggling to understand how to communicate with him and how to help him to communicate with us.
When I saw this video I was really taken back. There is way too much that we don't know about autism. We are so used to call it a disease nd the truth is that we are far from really understanding what it really is.
I want to learn. I want to understand.
I asked my friend to watch this video and she said that watching the first part was really hard on her. She could see how her little boy was heading towards the same place. Everyday seemed to her like a regression instead of a progress and she really felt this was very hard to watch. However, the second part helped her to understand better what was really happening and recognize the same reactions on her own son. She said that the second part really made her feel "hopefull".
Thanks silentmiaow for such a wonderful video.

The best food ever

I've been thinking about trying a very old resturant nearby. It's a Basque restaurant that apparently has been around for long long time.
I finally went tonight with my sister and my husband. It was a family style restaurant meaning you have to sit in large tables with other people you don't even know.
We sat with other 4 habituals that taught us about the food we would find and what we should expect. They apparently spend a lot of time there. One of them run a liquor business of some sort and very kindly bought us a drink he thought ( and he was absolutely right) that we would enjoy. It was FUN!!
We talked like we knew each other for years. they told us stories and kept on talking to my sister that tried to keep up as much as she could with her broken english. One of them even offered to set her up with his 40 year old son. I had to decline. He would have to go back to our country to ask for my sister's hand and he had a snowball chance in hell that my mother would allow another daughter to leave her for a foreign land. very flattering offer though. We had the best dinner ever.
The food was unbelievable and it's certainly the best food I've had since I arrived to USA. Besides, I love the idea of passing around the dishes for everyone to eat. The food was light in spite of all the meat and although it consisted of soup, wine, a platter with chicken, another of rabbit, french fries, salad, beans, chesse and ice cream, I came back home feeling as light as when I started my dinner, only I was not hungry anymore. I didn't have that feeling of being stuffed like a turkey. It is the signature of a real homemade dinner.
the company I must say did 70% of the whole experience. It was the best company you could wish. Those guys were funny and very interesting to listen too. some of them with very strong Basque roots.
I will definitely pay another visit as soon as I can.