Passion Killers

picture by rogiro

Bureaucracy is really like very old underwear: a total passion-killer.
So I got this amazing opportunity to carry on this research project at work. It's a collaborative project funded by a local government agency. The money is there, we got the contacts to make it happen, we have the perfect person to conduct the research, the facilities, the equipment and the energy. The only problem is that we need to go over a huge mountain of papers and people that I don't even know in order to make it happen.

Download this form, fill it up, make the Principal investigator sign it (that btw would be my boss who is in vacations for a month), then route it to this department... then this other one... and then send it back to us, with a budget, the proposal, the scope of work ad then we can start the process to see how to make it work.

Yayyy!
Seriously, I feel like shooting myself in the head.
We are literally tied up to a million of rules that I'm sure have a good reason to be in this place, but really, they kill any creativity.
I've found myself disregarding great ideas and projects because I don't feel like going through the process of figuring out how to make this happen after I've found all the possible resources.
It just kills my drive!
I've also found myself today walking outside my office to cool down my head and talk myself into not getting discouraged and do whatever it takes to make this great opportunity for my offices work out. It was freezing outside so it sort of worked out well. I came back after an hour to my desk ready to tackle the bunch of forms and processes to follow, but i wasn't feeling less frustrated at all.
Well, I found this great post from Lee Brown, an interior designer ranting like I do about bureaucracy in her field of expertise.
Is really hard to get creative and run with your ideas when a huge machine is wrapped up to your neck.
*sigh*

9 to 5

Well, I got my first paycheck. Just like I thought, it hurts.
I knew it would be less money (really less) but at the same time I think about all the good things that are coming my way with this new job. I look at it as an investment.
Because that is what it really is.
Still hurts, but awell.
This last couple weeks have been so exhausting. Due to the fact I don't have anybody to ask nearby and that the previous person left a huge mess, I feel sometimes overwhelmed and I wonder if I am up to this task. My boss is really happy and she and the department have been really nice and encouraging, but I can help to feel a little frustrated sometimes. The good part is that so far everything has been falling in it's place eventually, and I tell myself all the time, just like a mantra, that these are not problems but opportunities.
We are working on the organization of several events, some of which start in just a couple weeks from now.
Another good thing is the amazing freedom I've experienced with regards to creativity. I get to design a lot of graphic material without having to follow the taste of anybody but me. My boss is really pleased with the result and so are some of the board members that have come accross some of my work. That really makes me happy.

Everything's just wonderful

I'm bored to death.
Being bored makes me grumpy.
I already applied for that job I talked about in my last post but nothing is happening yet. I think they have to stop recruitment tomorrow and then I should know.
In the meantime every day is becoming more unbearable at my current job.
I think I mentioned some time ago that I'm not getting along with this guy that write grants for the organization. Now he is in charge of training as well and from 20 hours a week now I have to share the same air with him 40 hours a week.
I also mentioned some time ago that the only reason I put up with this a**hole is because he brings money to the organization and I don't need everybody hating me for chasing him away. Besides he has managed to kiss everybody's arse and I don't even get why everybody falls for it. It's so fake and insincere!! It revolves my stomach... literally.
I'm at the point that everytime he walks in or I hear his fake laughter my body reacts badly and my stomach starts hurting really bad.
Also, now I'm at the point where my job has nothing more to offer besides more money because I'm not doing anything really creative or exciting. The last time I tried being creative by designing a postcard that we would send out my boss came and told me to use the one she made from last year.
I really need a change so if this job that I'm so crazy about doesn't work I'll be looking for another one anyways.

On the good side: I've been playing guitar more often now. I've bought a cd I liked and the lyrics are so powerful and the music so energetic I couldn't resist myself. So I grabbed my guitar and I had a great time trying to make up the chords of the songs. I'm thinking of writing my own song... well, to tell the truth I've thought about that for a long time but I think I finally got the title for the first one: Brown nose.

Dizzy

Sometimes life takes you by surprise.
I'm used to it though.
The only thing different this time is how good or bad is the surprise.
I always tell my friends:

"Life wants you to move forward and if you don't, she pushes you... and hey, Life doesn't have soft hands and it hurts"

.
I talk because of my own experience. That is why I'm not fond of comfort zones. Every time I get too cozy and I don't want to move I get one of those pushes and it has always hurt and left me bruised.
It has always been for the better though. That is how I ended up marrying this man so "unusual" and moving to a country I never even dreamt of visiting.
That is how I've learnt so many different things and how I've meet so many different and interesting people. The key is to know that is always scary, it always terrifies you, and there is always people around you quick to advice and tell you all the possible things that could go wrong; but beyond all that you must never freeze and let it take control. Just know that you are stronger than all of that.
On the last few days I received Life's visit once again. Yeap, one of those.
It was my husband's birthday and I had to cook something really light and special at the same time because the only time that we could be together was after his job at around 11 pm. It got me very depressed and mad at the circumstances and I was thinking about the best way to make the changes I needed in my life when the phone rang. I got offered a really good job as the assistant to the Director of a Research Center at the Local University. Of course I said yes immediately but I still have to go through the whole selection process and put up with the bureaucracy necessary to make this thing work out.In the meantime I'm all dizzy and I'm kind of trying to be patient and hope for the best. I keep on thinking on the worst case scenario and trying not to freak out. I haven't been able to calm down yet and I'm enjoying every single minute of it.