Dizzy

Sometimes life takes you by surprise.
I'm used to it though.
The only thing different this time is how good or bad is the surprise.
I always tell my friends:

"Life wants you to move forward and if you don't, she pushes you... and hey, Life doesn't have soft hands and it hurts"

.
I talk because of my own experience. That is why I'm not fond of comfort zones. Every time I get too cozy and I don't want to move I get one of those pushes and it has always hurt and left me bruised.
It has always been for the better though. That is how I ended up marrying this man so "unusual" and moving to a country I never even dreamt of visiting.
That is how I've learnt so many different things and how I've meet so many different and interesting people. The key is to know that is always scary, it always terrifies you, and there is always people around you quick to advice and tell you all the possible things that could go wrong; but beyond all that you must never freeze and let it take control. Just know that you are stronger than all of that.
On the last few days I received Life's visit once again. Yeap, one of those.
It was my husband's birthday and I had to cook something really light and special at the same time because the only time that we could be together was after his job at around 11 pm. It got me very depressed and mad at the circumstances and I was thinking about the best way to make the changes I needed in my life when the phone rang. I got offered a really good job as the assistant to the Director of a Research Center at the Local University. Of course I said yes immediately but I still have to go through the whole selection process and put up with the bureaucracy necessary to make this thing work out.In the meantime I'm all dizzy and I'm kind of trying to be patient and hope for the best. I keep on thinking on the worst case scenario and trying not to freak out. I haven't been able to calm down yet and I'm enjoying every single minute of it.

After the storm

A lot of time and lots of things have happened:
1.- My sister went back home with my mom who was missing her an awful lot.

2.- Well, that darn conference has passed and finally I feel like I can breathe again.
As a matter of fact, last month most of what I’ve done is sitting down and just enjoying the silence and the calm.
It was hard at first. My sister left so the clam was even harder to process in my brain, because it got tangled with the feelings of missing her. So I was relaxed but I wasn’t happy.
Now I feel better though.

3.- I got a new neighbor and she is the sweetest lady. She has a little dog and we have a lot of things in common. Like me she spends a lot of time by herself so we agreed that if we were feeling lonely we would visit each other. She was struggling to remove the periwinkle that was growing like crazy all over the place so I went and help her clean up a section of her garden so she can plant some herbs and vegetable if she feels like it. A couple days later she came over with a present. Knowing that I love cats and I love tea, she gave me a teapot in the shape of a kitty cat.

4.- I’m looking for another job. Yes I love my job now, but I have to admit: I’m not moving forward. I’m not learning much and I think that my time here is over. I feel like I have so much to give and nobody has been able to exploit all that capabilities hidden inside me. I feel I can be a lot more but I lack of the stimulation that can ignite my creative self. Also there is another problem. I don’t have health Insurance. My husband does but he has to work weekends and holidays and I’m sick and tired of spending my holidays and weekends alone. So I want to get a job with Health Insurance so my husband can quit this other job and look for something better.

5.- I started sewing and cooking. I’m finally starting to do more crafty stuff. I love craft but just now I’m giving myself time to dedicate to my hobbies.
I’ll publish pictures of the apron I made later.

Sweet Sunday

Today I really wanted to go and relax, but I started my day by cleaning the whole house. Piles of dishes accumulated I don't now how since I washed them all the night before. We moved the birds to the dinning room where most of the action usually happens and only after cleaning and cooking some veggies I was able to treat myself by making some meat on the grill. My sister and I put all together and open a bottle of nice wine to enjoy the wonderful food.
I really needed to relax. Lately is like I am in some sort of weird dimension trying to fit in and trying just to survive.
Work is not helping much since I spend most of the time by myself or only with my boss. My sister thinks that I need to find another job with more people to socialize with. I don't know about that, but I must admit that there is a part of me that agrees with her.
Also, I can't stop thinking about my friend. The one I dreamt of the other night. I tried looking him up on the web but nothing. It's like he doesn't even exist. My only hope is that my sister or my mom are able to find an old address book and pull his number from there.
I don't want to think about tomorrow. I wish I could make my weekends last longer. I wanted so badly to clean and reorganize the garage but I run out of time.
Well, I guess I just need to wait for other 5 days till I can work on that again.

Talking about hurting people

Illinois - Union - Illinois Railway Museum - No Injury is Acceptable - All Injuries Can be Prevented - Sign.jpg,
originally uploaded by Colin Gregory Palmer.

The First cut is the deepest

Last night I had this dream about a fried of mine. I lost contact with him but now he is back in my thoughts I feel like I really need him and I really need to talk to him. I realize now that I might have hurt him really bad 10 years ago. But I was way too immature and I didn't know any better and I realize now that things work out the way they did for the better.
His memory sneaked up on me like a ghost and now it looks like it will stay with me until I pay my debt. I miss you my friend and I wish I could have your warm embrace like on those warm summer days.
I'm sorry and I miss you!!!

It's so hard when it doesn't come easy

The last week has been full of distress for my whole house. My husband, cats and now the cockatiels. Mostly because of the last ones. On friday one of them started to look really sad and his feathers were puffed up most of the time. also they spent an awful amount of time on the bottom of the cage. I started researching ad reading and I realized that it was a very bad sign. They were probably cold. So I went ahead and moved them to my bedroom. Now they both look a lot better but they still won't allow me to get very close without freaking out. they barely allow me to change their water and my husband is the one that actually has to clean them up.
It turned out to be that cokatiels are vey sensitive and temperamental birds and they absolutely HATE CHANGES. Also, it takes a long time for them to get to trust a person so we have a lot of work ahead.

I must admit I feel really lost regarding how to treat them and how not to upset them. I wich I had somebody to ask. Tomorrow I'll see this lady that has cockatiels as well and she might be able to shade some light about the whole situation.
In spite of how hard has been for the 6 of us, I still love to have them with me and to be able to give them shelter in a moment of need.

On being silenced

Día Internacional de los Derechos Humanos 05,
originally uploaded by Sorgin.

I know i have not blogged in a while. Not for lack of interest, but mostly lack of time. Is just that having my sister around I want to spend as much time with her as I can. And also want to spend all the time I can with my husband (due to our crazy schedules this is very unusual).
Well, today I went to a music rehearsal and the director is a nice professor that comes from my country. As a matter of fact the 90% of the group are from the same country which is very unusual to see in USA. Maybe is like my mom would say "God gives them life and the devil get them together".
Anyhow, I met this professor and I made a comment about something that happened a few years before I was born. Things were crazy back then and protests were increasing constantly. One day some very young students got killed at the door of a school. They were shot like animals. They were so young. They just wanted to be free, and they wanted the country to be free. I casually mentioned that to the professor and he told me he remembered that. He happened to be the director of the school in which door these kids were killed. A little after that this professor himself had to flee the country to protect his own life since they took away his right to dissent.
I was really taken back by this revelation. I was not prepared for it and it reminded me of all the repression me and my country lived for so many years. It reminded me why is so important to protect the voices of those that dare to think different and to respect them even if their voices dissent from yours. And also reminded me where things can go terribly wrong. Where is the line and where is the use and abuse.
I hear people all the time talking about freedom of speech. Most of the time these same persons have no idea what this freedom is all about. They justify bullying and violence(verbal, physical or psychological) to get the point across.
I hold very close to my heart this: If I need to use violence to make you understand I'm right, then it means I'm wrong.

Fostering Cockatiels

We have two new members in our family. They haven't got names yet and they seem to hate me with a passion (sigh) but I promised I would give them my love and that is exactly what I intend to do.
This is the story: The cockatiels belonged to this old couple. They had them for about 5 years. This couple was living with their daughter, who btw is a very wealthy lady that made a fortune with some IT companies on the 90s. She is married to this guy who also has a nice income with his own construction company.They built this "in-laws" house in their property and asked this old couple to live with them, that way they would have privacy and live comfortably till the end of their days. but after some years this sweet lady and her husband have decided that they will move to Mexico and that the old people needs to get out and with no much of a notice they took away all their furniture (which was bought with money that all the family pitched in) including their bed and now they are living with a granddaughter where there is no room for the birds. They didn't want to sell them, but give them to somebody they trust and knowing how much I love my pets they asked me if I would take them.
This whole story is horrible and it kills me to see people that has worked all their lives so hard to bring up children that will pay back in this way.Can these people get any lower? Do they need the money so badly that they need to take even the bed from their parents? And this just days from having one of them checked out of the hospital? I'm sorry for this woman because I've seen other people behave this way before and getting the worst karma (or God's punishment, whatever you prefer) for the rest of their lives. I wish them luck... with that karma they will absolutely need it.

coming down with a cold

I feel awful today. Yesterday I started feeling sick.
It was my birthday yesterday btw.
So I'm planning on going on a little trip on friday to celebrate shopping for my favorite guilty pleasures, but if this continues this way I don't know if it will be possible.
This is my birthday tradition: getting sick.

In my Language

I found this amazing video thanks to a link from zefrank.
I've always been interested in autism and although I don't know why is this I feel like I have to find a way to understand what does autism really mean.
I have not directly been touched by it by I have a friend whose adoptive son has autism and she is struggling to understand how to communicate with him and how to help him to communicate with us.
When I saw this video I was really taken back. There is way too much that we don't know about autism. We are so used to call it a disease nd the truth is that we are far from really understanding what it really is.
I want to learn. I want to understand.
I asked my friend to watch this video and she said that watching the first part was really hard on her. She could see how her little boy was heading towards the same place. Everyday seemed to her like a regression instead of a progress and she really felt this was very hard to watch. However, the second part helped her to understand better what was really happening and recognize the same reactions on her own son. She said that the second part really made her feel "hopefull".
Thanks silentmiaow for such a wonderful video.

The best food ever

I've been thinking about trying a very old resturant nearby. It's a Basque restaurant that apparently has been around for long long time.
I finally went tonight with my sister and my husband. It was a family style restaurant meaning you have to sit in large tables with other people you don't even know.
We sat with other 4 habituals that taught us about the food we would find and what we should expect. They apparently spend a lot of time there. One of them run a liquor business of some sort and very kindly bought us a drink he thought ( and he was absolutely right) that we would enjoy. It was FUN!!
We talked like we knew each other for years. they told us stories and kept on talking to my sister that tried to keep up as much as she could with her broken english. One of them even offered to set her up with his 40 year old son. I had to decline. He would have to go back to our country to ask for my sister's hand and he had a snowball chance in hell that my mother would allow another daughter to leave her for a foreign land. very flattering offer though. We had the best dinner ever.
The food was unbelievable and it's certainly the best food I've had since I arrived to USA. Besides, I love the idea of passing around the dishes for everyone to eat. The food was light in spite of all the meat and although it consisted of soup, wine, a platter with chicken, another of rabbit, french fries, salad, beans, chesse and ice cream, I came back home feeling as light as when I started my dinner, only I was not hungry anymore. I didn't have that feeling of being stuffed like a turkey. It is the signature of a real homemade dinner.
the company I must say did 70% of the whole experience. It was the best company you could wish. Those guys were funny and very interesting to listen too. some of them with very strong Basque roots.
I will definitely pay another visit as soon as I can.

Sin City

What have I been doing lately??
Tons of things.
And nothing much at the same time.
I just came back from a trip to Las Vegas. My first time in Sin City. Really fun. I wish I had more time to spend over there. I got to see Jubilee and all I wanted since then was to be one of those girls. Do you imagine how cool must be to be a very old woman and tell your granchildren that you used to dance naked for an audience and they liked it! I'm sure it would be a very disturbing thought for your grand and greatchildren but I would have fun telling that story thousnads of times.
It was such an amazing and beautiful show. I found myself literally with my mouth opened several times during the performance. I envy them. I would have to be born again to be able to be like them. They were perfect.
My husband and I got to take a picture with them after the show. It was great!
We also found an awesome Italian REstaurant at the Fashion Mall: Maggiano's. Good price and AWESOME food. I mean, I ate it all. The portions are not human but we were starving and everything was so delicious! We couldn't stop ourselves and we even had some place for Tiramisu. It was like tasting heaven.
One thing I got to say about Las Vegas though. People are really not nice. They are mostly rude, unless you are giving them some money they will not be nice to you. My sister was shocked that even in our flight over there the flight attendant, when she couldn't reach for to one of the passenger just threw a bag of peanuts at him from afar. She had never seen such a thing and neither had I. For future reference this was at the Southwest Airlines. DO NOT take that airline. They are awfully packed! I do not know if that is case with all airlines but you barely have space to breath there. Each row of seats consist in 3 narrow seats. I kept hitting and being hit with the elbows. Next time I'm willing to pay more and travel more comfortably. I mean like a human being.
If you ever go to Las Vegas and you are with more than 2 persons take the limousine. A town car will do. Just $40 bucks and they will show you the whole strip before getting to your hotel. My driver was a really sweet and nice girl. She was from Chicago.
There are hotels for all tastes. I chose the Luxor because I thought it would be a fun and exotic, but the truth is that in spite of looking really cool from the outside, inside barely keeps up to your expectations. A very impressive entrance but once you get out of you elevator and start looking for your room you realize the sensation of clausthrophobia that comes over. My room was at the other side of the elevator so I basically had to walk more than Victor Corradine in Kung Fu to get to my room. Also, the elevators are in poor conditions. They keep on opening several times before they decide to stay closed and take you to the floor you ask for.
Anyways, we barely spend anytime at the hotel (thankfully). We visited other hotels. Every one of them is a destination by itself. I must say, my favorites are Paris and the Venetian. Bellagio was beautiful and amazing as well, but who am I kidding, I work for a non-profit and I can't afford that much luxury.
We spent hours at the Venetian and at Paris. It never ends! Fun Fun Fun!!
I walked so much!! It was fun but the day after we came back I wasn't able to make it to work. Beware. You will need at least one day to recover if you go To Las Vegas, because there is no way you can enjoy all the things that amazing place has to offer.
My sister and I are planning to go back and see Tom Jones (believe it or not we are both fans) at the MGM. We'll see.

Happy New 2007

hello punk kitty.jpg,
originally uploaded by Irisita.

This year I started to settle in my new city.
In the beggining I got several jobs and some better than others. It didn't help much in the way of money but they helped me to meet great people that taught me about the place I'm living in now.
After looking and searching for something that could make me happy I landed at my current job. Not a lot in the way of money either but for the first time I was happy after a day at the office. Also I was very lucky to find such a great boss, and now friend.
As a wonderful way to finish my year I got my sister to spend the Holidays with!
There is a lot yet to accomplish in my new place but I feel very confident that things are going in the direction they are supposed to go.
This year I must consolidate myself and start taking over those tasks and projects I've put aside while I was getting settled in this city.
I love my job but I realize that the day will come when I will have to move on so I need to keep on studying.
I got another membership for a gym (I hate to excercise at the gym but there isn't much of an option right now) and this time I'm affraid I'm actually working out.
And let's not forget that I need to get ready for 2010. I have great plans for that year!!! Watch out Europe!

Not Ready to make Nice

Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I'm still mad that is true. Today somebody mentioned this dumbass' name and I felt as angry as I was last Sunday when I realized my stuff was gone. Today some of the stuff that was taken from us was returned, but my cd player nor the speakers we bought for the office were among those things. I really doubt I see them again.
So tonight I went and got some gift cards I receive as Christmas present from work and I got myself an Ipod. It still doesn't make me feel any better though.
I feel so rotten inside, not because of the cd player but because all this situation has showed me what kind of person this guy is and is bringing the worst from me to the surface. I feel hate and thI just can't stand to even hear his name.
pheewww!!!
How can some people be so imbecil!!

Patience

Patience,
originally uploaded by dhammza.

Ohhhhhhh... Today was one of those days in which I almost reach the top of my patience. The idiot resposible for the loss of my beloved and arcaic cd player was at the office today. I couldn't make eye contact with him. I was affraid that my eyes were machine guns and he would get shooted by them. I tried really hard to not show him how i felt because he is (apparently) a big asset for the non-profit. For what I've heard he has gotten a lot of money in donation for the Christmas presents and Holiday Party. Also he knows how to write grants and has a lot of experience in that area. Otherwise I would have already exploded.
He is a complete a******.

God is trying to tell me something

Waiting for rebirth,
originally uploaded by access.denied.

I guess.

The other day I was watching just some silly movie and one phrase got stuck in my head: " Live everyday like it was on purpose". And tonight I started watching another silly movie and It turned out to be all about living life to the fullest. It kind of came in a good moment because I really needed some help to appreciate things around me.
Lately I have been feeling a little down.
The usual. I feel like I'm not moving anywhere, like I have no help from anybody and no support. Sometimes I just want for somebody to notice my needs and give me some support or some rest, but most of the time I am the one doing that job for everyone. I kind of have to wait for my turn, but my patience is running thin.
Things have not been easy for me lately. I worked really hard on a holiday party for needy Children and while I was there somebody got into my office and stole a cd player I got from my my kudos at my first job in USA some years ago. It wasn't anything modern, I know, but it had a sentimental value. The guy responsible for this situation didn't even acknowledge the loss and didn't give it any importance. I got so angry. I put him on my sh** list right away. I better don't see his face in a while.
So that was the last straw really, from several days of hard, hard work, little sleep and big efforts to make a happy family, a happy work place and a better world. Sometimes I feel like the only one person that appreciates what I do is my boss, and isn't that somthing weird? Usually is the opposite for most of people.
Now I think God wants me to know that I need to start taking control of my life.
I feel like I'm living in one of those dreams where you need to run but your legs are not moving and your body just doesn't respond, if anything it moves so slowly that you can't go anywhere anyways. Can you wake up from that nightmare anyways?
Maybe I just need to watch another silly movie to hear the answer.

Constant Presence

When I was a child I used to joke with my favorite aunt because non of us had grandparents. I had my mother's side grandfather and I loved him dearly but he died when I was 9. My grandmother (his wife) was never very affectionated and since she lived in the other side of the country I would rarely see her anyways. On my father's side my grandmother was all the oppossite. She would play with me and tell me the most funny stories but then diabetes got the best of her and she even forgot the name of my sisters. She would remember my name until the day she died though. Her husband (my so called grandfather) never cared for me or my sisters. We were just a disspointment for him, we were "just women" and he expected the fisrt child of his first child to be a man.
My aunt Olga would tell me that we should be called "the ones without Grandparents".
Many years later I met a man that adopted me as his own granddaughter and he is constntly in my mind. I can hear his voice in other people's voice, his face in other people's faces. It's like I'm being constantly reminded that he was here and what he meant to me. Now I'm listening to old songs he told me he would sing while travelling around the country as a hobo when he was 15 years old. I miss him. I'll always will.

Of cats and mice

It has been already a week of my sister visiting and we have already an issue. Apparently she doesn't approve of me having the cats indoors. I explained to her that we keep them away from diseases and other parasites that way and althought I allow the boy to go outside from time to time it's only if I'm going to be there with him to make sure he is not running to the street or chasing the birds. Last night the girl was a little sick apparently and she had something gross on her hair. My husband and I grabbed her and cleaned her up but this seems to have upset my sister because she locked herself in her room. We were getting ready to have dinner and when we got to the table she had picked her plate and took it with her as well. My husband was very puzzled by this. I mean, we have done anything but being nice to her and providing her with whatever she needs or wants and even more. I don't see why would she get so freaked out by something so small.
Sometimes pets get sick and you have to help them. What m I supposed to do? Let the cat go screw herself and send her to freeze to death out the door? These kitties are my family. When I was all by myself in the Midwest they were my only company and I see them as a very important part of my life. Just because she doesn't feel the same way I'm not about to change the way I treat them. It's not like I feed them from my spoon or my plate or anything like that. Their litter box is clean and I take them to the vet as often as possible. In the case of the girl because of her issues I need to take her every three months so she stays out of trouble.
Awell, I guess her attitude may be something that has nothing to do with the kitties and is more about the uncapability of being grateful for the things you have and appreciating when people gives you love.

Halloween is almost here...

... and so is my sister. That's funny!
;P
Do you get it?? Because she is wicked!
and it's halloween!
(cricket noises here)
I have no freaking idea what to do for halloween. I don't know if children in this neighborhood do trick or treat at all. I hope they do. When I was in the Midwest I never saw anybody asking for candy around my neighborhood which was very dissapointing.
Anyhow, my husband and I bought this very cool soda from Target, it's called Spider Cider from Jones Soda and I liked it a lot. I bought several tiny cans to give away. If nobody comes I'll drink them all.
Also I want to make some decoration once my sister is here. I want her to enjoy a very american visit so she can say she was actually here and it was worth the money. That was an issue while I lived in the Midwest. Nobody was interested in visiting me.
I also want to decorate the office with halloween stuff. My boss said it was ok but she asked me not to get carried away. That won't be easy.

Rectangule of Bermudas

Bed + new mac + zefrank.com + cold medicine = happily wasted hours of my life