It's Sunday morning... 5:10 am
I can't believe I woke up this early.
I was sleeping and all of the sudden I woke up with this terrible sensation and only one thought:
I file the wrong SSN in my tax return!!
I can't believe it but apparently I did.
Here is the thing. I don't understand the tax return thing. My husband does it every year. And just like the year before and the one before that, I've been telling him to take them to a professional.
He refuses. And not only that, but he also procrastinates till the very last minute to file.
This Tuesday, he went to my office while I was in the middle of a VERY CRAZY-BUSY day and while my boss is giving me directions and the phone is ringing, he is holding the paper form for me to sign and put my SSN in it. Of course I had trouble remembering my SSN in the middle of all that so I put what I thought was the correct number and then run to grab the phone.
Then he run for his life to the Post Office believing it would be a very long long line.
I haven't thought about it until this morning. Now I can't get back to sleep, and my husband is dreaming like a little angel.
I went to one of my favorite websites to get rid of all my negative thoughts. It's beautiful.
I feel a little better now.
We will see tomorrow what we can do about this problem. I hate the government forms and bureaucracy. I have more chances of getting to learn and understand Chinese than understanding tax forms.
I'm going to wake up my husband. If I'm going to be deprived of my sleep he should suffer too. It's only fair. I know... I'm awful.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Passion Killers
picture by rogiro
Bureaucracy is really like very old underwear: a total passion-killer.
So I got this amazing opportunity to carry on this research project at work. It's a collaborative project funded by a local government agency. The money is there, we got the contacts to make it happen, we have the perfect person to conduct the research, the facilities, the equipment and the energy. The only problem is that we need to go over a huge mountain of papers and people that I don't even know in order to make it happen.
Download this form, fill it up, make the Principal investigator sign it (that btw would be my boss who is in vacations for a month), then route it to this department... then this other one... and then send it back to us, with a budget, the proposal, the scope of work ad then we can start the process to see how to make it work.Yayyy!
Seriously, I feel like shooting myself in the head.
We are literally tied up to a million of rules that I'm sure have a good reason to be in this place, but really, they kill any creativity.
I've found myself disregarding great ideas and projects because I don't feel like going through the process of figuring out how to make this happen after I've found all the possible resources.
It just kills my drive!
I've also found myself today walking outside my office to cool down my head and talk myself into not getting discouraged and do whatever it takes to make this great opportunity for my offices work out. It was freezing outside so it sort of worked out well. I came back after an hour to my desk ready to tackle the bunch of forms and processes to follow, but i wasn't feeling less frustrated at all.
Well, I found this great post from Lee Brown, an interior designer ranting like I do about bureaucracy in her field of expertise.
Is really hard to get creative and run with your ideas when a huge machine is wrapped up to your neck.
*sigh*
Friday, December 07, 2007
The Art of Letting go
I guess it is a form of art and I totally lack the talent.
I don't know how to let go and how to stop going over and over the same situation until I make everybody sick of it.
Today, I had a student helping me at the office and her chair broke, which caused her to fall and hurt herself really bad. She already has back problems and she has been attending physical therapy. I was really worried so I sent her to the Student Health services, and then I wrote a Memo to my boss about the incident.
I tell you, I was feeling so much like crap, mostly because we don't have the money to buy good furniture so all the stuff we have is recycled furniture from other offices, things that other people doesn't want we reuse it at our office.
When I saw the face of that girl today trying to stop the tears from coming out I felt like a piece of crap. There she is trying to help us and the damn chair breaks on her. And I can't do anything about it. I almost started crying too.
It's so unfair! My office is trying to help a group that is almost 20% of our population and we are set to a building that used to be lockers for the local Football team 50 years ago, and with almost no windows. We can not make any major changes because the building is pre-asbestos era, and if that is not enough they sent us to the basement of said building. All the money we receive (which is very little in comparison to the amount we really need for the things we want to accomplish) has to be used to do the activities and programs that our community needs. My boss barely sleeps working for this Center and doing classes (she is also professor) and I can tell she is really worried about the future of our Research Center given the cuts that projects like ours are experiencing from State and Federal funding.
Last weekend I didn't even sleep working to prepare a meeting to be able to get support and I think it was successful, but we won't be able to tell until we receive some money as an outcome from that.
New furniture is not in our budget and is not really affordable.
I wish that somebody could donate some nice furniture. I'm so sick of all the almost useless stuff. I'm very lucky we were able to secure money to buy me a good computer that actually shows the images on the screen. But I'm afraid that is where the magic ends.
I don't know how to let go and how to stop going over and over the same situation until I make everybody sick of it.
Today, I had a student helping me at the office and her chair broke, which caused her to fall and hurt herself really bad. She already has back problems and she has been attending physical therapy. I was really worried so I sent her to the Student Health services, and then I wrote a Memo to my boss about the incident.
I tell you, I was feeling so much like crap, mostly because we don't have the money to buy good furniture so all the stuff we have is recycled furniture from other offices, things that other people doesn't want we reuse it at our office.
When I saw the face of that girl today trying to stop the tears from coming out I felt like a piece of crap. There she is trying to help us and the damn chair breaks on her. And I can't do anything about it. I almost started crying too.
It's so unfair! My office is trying to help a group that is almost 20% of our population and we are set to a building that used to be lockers for the local Football team 50 years ago, and with almost no windows. We can not make any major changes because the building is pre-asbestos era, and if that is not enough they sent us to the basement of said building. All the money we receive (which is very little in comparison to the amount we really need for the things we want to accomplish) has to be used to do the activities and programs that our community needs. My boss barely sleeps working for this Center and doing classes (she is also professor) and I can tell she is really worried about the future of our Research Center given the cuts that projects like ours are experiencing from State and Federal funding.
Last weekend I didn't even sleep working to prepare a meeting to be able to get support and I think it was successful, but we won't be able to tell until we receive some money as an outcome from that.
New furniture is not in our budget and is not really affordable.
I wish that somebody could donate some nice furniture. I'm so sick of all the almost useless stuff. I'm very lucky we were able to secure money to buy me a good computer that actually shows the images on the screen. But I'm afraid that is where the magic ends.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
To Complete The Mission...
I got a million of things to take care of. I'm absolutely going bananas, and yet, i'm blogging.
I know, I know, I haven't blogged since forever, but I really LOOOVVVVVEEE my new job and I'm really absorbed by it.
So far it can hardly get any better, people are amazing and my boss is the best.
Just one problem has arisen in these few months.
The girl that works with me.
I don't know. She seems so lost in the space.
She is really a good girl and one of those persons that deserve to be happy. But everytime I turn around it seems like she is looking for ways to sabotage herself and her success. You know that type of woman? They seem to be always making the wrong decisions, making poor judgment and then regretting every single step they take.
They are the perfect victims.
And they inspire you to help, to shelter them, to extend a hand to them. But then, when everything seems to be manageable again, they do something that makes you think "What the f***?".
At some point you will stop giving advise or even caring, you will just shrug and move on. I hate that part, but I feel I'm there right now.
She came to me yesterday to tell me the great news.
Her boyfriend proposed during the weekend.
They have been going out for a little more than a month, and now they are getting married, in the spring. Age? Super Young. Something like 22 I believe.
I don't know what is the fixation with women in this country on getting married as soon as they find somebody that calls them pretty.
Are they that lonely?
I didn't even dreamt of marriage at that age. I really wanted to be free. Being single was so cool!! If it wasn't because the law wouldn't allow me to be with my love in the same country unless I walk the aisle I wouldn't be married yet.
Anyhow. I feel like I'm watching a train going directly to the cliff. I mean, they have barely been together enough to really make a commitment that huge, and also, she is maniac depresive and looks like is having bipolar issues.
I'm tired now. I was honest and told her what I thought about getting married so young, with so much baggage, and in so little time. What is the rush?
Awell. she is old enough to take her own decisions.
I know, I know, I haven't blogged since forever, but I really LOOOVVVVVEEE my new job and I'm really absorbed by it.
So far it can hardly get any better, people are amazing and my boss is the best.
Just one problem has arisen in these few months.
The girl that works with me.
I don't know. She seems so lost in the space.
She is really a good girl and one of those persons that deserve to be happy. But everytime I turn around it seems like she is looking for ways to sabotage herself and her success. You know that type of woman? They seem to be always making the wrong decisions, making poor judgment and then regretting every single step they take.
They are the perfect victims.
And they inspire you to help, to shelter them, to extend a hand to them. But then, when everything seems to be manageable again, they do something that makes you think "What the f***?".
At some point you will stop giving advise or even caring, you will just shrug and move on. I hate that part, but I feel I'm there right now.
She came to me yesterday to tell me the great news.
Her boyfriend proposed during the weekend.
They have been going out for a little more than a month, and now they are getting married, in the spring. Age? Super Young. Something like 22 I believe.
I don't know what is the fixation with women in this country on getting married as soon as they find somebody that calls them pretty.
Are they that lonely?
I didn't even dreamt of marriage at that age. I really wanted to be free. Being single was so cool!! If it wasn't because the law wouldn't allow me to be with my love in the same country unless I walk the aisle I wouldn't be married yet.
Anyhow. I feel like I'm watching a train going directly to the cliff. I mean, they have barely been together enough to really make a commitment that huge, and also, she is maniac depresive and looks like is having bipolar issues.
I'm tired now. I was honest and told her what I thought about getting married so young, with so much baggage, and in so little time. What is the rush?
Awell. she is old enough to take her own decisions.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
decisions
I definitely love my job.
How did I figured that out? Because I got up one day at 5 in the morning ready to get to the office earlier and I was HAPPY about it.
These last 3 months have been really crazy and freakishly challenging. And I must also add that nothing is getting easier for me as time goes by. But I'm happy to face those challenges. I read this long time ago and it has helped me a lot in this new job (Thanks a million for that post Elise!). Every little piece of advise from Tina Seelig has been a treasure that really helped me in the hardest moments, when I had to prove myself on front of people that expected nothing but perfection.
I got to say also that I got a wonderful boss that, although is really pushy, she really gets the best of me.
Now it's time to get back to school. Finally after years of dreaming of this it finally comes true. I will get to go to college. I will be able to graduate from college and accomplish the biggest dream of my life. This is a long overdue debt with myself and the time has come to pay it. I can't be more excited, happy and... confused?
Yeap. My life has gone and so many different directions in the last years that what I wanted to be 5 years ago doesn't seem to be quite accurate anymore.
I still love technology, but I've grown so disappointed on the environment that I'm afraid that I will end up accruing another one to my list.
Also, my boss pointed out something very important. I have people skills and I really love to socialize and learn from people, but the IT world is not very conductive to socializing.
I don't know what to do.
I've been thinking on Engineering, information systems, journalism, marketing and even social work. But everything has a down side and I don't know how to work around it.
Help!
How did I figured that out? Because I got up one day at 5 in the morning ready to get to the office earlier and I was HAPPY about it.
These last 3 months have been really crazy and freakishly challenging. And I must also add that nothing is getting easier for me as time goes by. But I'm happy to face those challenges. I read this long time ago and it has helped me a lot in this new job (Thanks a million for that post Elise!). Every little piece of advise from Tina Seelig has been a treasure that really helped me in the hardest moments, when I had to prove myself on front of people that expected nothing but perfection.
I got to say also that I got a wonderful boss that, although is really pushy, she really gets the best of me.
Now it's time to get back to school. Finally after years of dreaming of this it finally comes true. I will get to go to college. I will be able to graduate from college and accomplish the biggest dream of my life. This is a long overdue debt with myself and the time has come to pay it. I can't be more excited, happy and... confused?
Yeap. My life has gone and so many different directions in the last years that what I wanted to be 5 years ago doesn't seem to be quite accurate anymore.
I still love technology, but I've grown so disappointed on the environment that I'm afraid that I will end up accruing another one to my list.
Also, my boss pointed out something very important. I have people skills and I really love to socialize and learn from people, but the IT world is not very conductive to socializing.
I don't know what to do.
I've been thinking on Engineering, information systems, journalism, marketing and even social work. But everything has a down side and I don't know how to work around it.
Help!
Monday, October 08, 2007
My affair with Jude Law
Today I will endulge in a little of teenage fantasizing.
I never remember my dreams.
But for some reason I do remember this one, and I hate the fact I didn't keep on dreaming it!
I was in this travelling theater company and Jude Law was helping us to get to people and perform. When we were leaving I wrote him a letter and I went personally to read it to him.
He was so pleased and happy, because he was very simple and nice. So I read my letter mixing the english with my native language and he was so happy, he started getting closer and closer to me. He asked me with his wonderful british accent what perfume I was wearing (Evelyn Rose from Crabtree and Evelyn) and he kept getting closer and closer. I kept on reading but it was getting more and more difficult as my breath was getting shorter and shorter, the temperature was raising and I felt the touch of his face against my neck as he tried to smell my perfume.
Then my husband woke me up to go to work.
I figure I should register this dream since I doubt I will ever even get to know Jude Law. But let me tell you. He has the most amazing personality and sexiest smile on my dreams.
I never remember my dreams.
But for some reason I do remember this one, and I hate the fact I didn't keep on dreaming it!
I was in this travelling theater company and Jude Law was helping us to get to people and perform. When we were leaving I wrote him a letter and I went personally to read it to him.
He was so pleased and happy, because he was very simple and nice. So I read my letter mixing the english with my native language and he was so happy, he started getting closer and closer to me. He asked me with his wonderful british accent what perfume I was wearing (Evelyn Rose from Crabtree and Evelyn) and he kept getting closer and closer. I kept on reading but it was getting more and more difficult as my breath was getting shorter and shorter, the temperature was raising and I felt the touch of his face against my neck as he tried to smell my perfume.
Then my husband woke me up to go to work.
I figure I should register this dream since I doubt I will ever even get to know Jude Law. But let me tell you. He has the most amazing personality and sexiest smile on my dreams.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
9 to 5
Well, I got my first paycheck. Just like I thought, it hurts.
I knew it would be less money (really less) but at the same time I think about all the good things that are coming my way with this new job. I look at it as an investment.
Because that is what it really is.
Still hurts, but awell.
This last couple weeks have been so exhausting. Due to the fact I don't have anybody to ask nearby and that the previous person left a huge mess, I feel sometimes overwhelmed and I wonder if I am up to this task. My boss is really happy and she and the department have been really nice and encouraging, but I can help to feel a little frustrated sometimes. The good part is that so far everything has been falling in it's place eventually, and I tell myself all the time, just like a mantra, that these are not problems but opportunities.
We are working on the organization of several events, some of which start in just a couple weeks from now.
Another good thing is the amazing freedom I've experienced with regards to creativity. I get to design a lot of graphic material without having to follow the taste of anybody but me. My boss is really pleased with the result and so are some of the board members that have come accross some of my work. That really makes me happy.
I knew it would be less money (really less) but at the same time I think about all the good things that are coming my way with this new job. I look at it as an investment.
Because that is what it really is.
Still hurts, but awell.
This last couple weeks have been so exhausting. Due to the fact I don't have anybody to ask nearby and that the previous person left a huge mess, I feel sometimes overwhelmed and I wonder if I am up to this task. My boss is really happy and she and the department have been really nice and encouraging, but I can help to feel a little frustrated sometimes. The good part is that so far everything has been falling in it's place eventually, and I tell myself all the time, just like a mantra, that these are not problems but opportunities.
We are working on the organization of several events, some of which start in just a couple weeks from now.
Another good thing is the amazing freedom I've experienced with regards to creativity. I get to design a lot of graphic material without having to follow the taste of anybody but me. My boss is really pleased with the result and so are some of the board members that have come accross some of my work. That really makes me happy.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
that job is mine!!!
Yeap, ladies and gentlemen, I got the job!!!
I started on Monday and make no mistake, it's really hard and demanding, but so far I'm enjoying myself.
Besides, I really like my boss. I liked my previous boss as well, but I'm really liking this new one. she is a very prominent woman in our community and she is very important in our State.
I admire her so much!
I really hope things just get better from here on.
Life is good!
I started on Monday and make no mistake, it's really hard and demanding, but so far I'm enjoying myself.
Besides, I really like my boss. I liked my previous boss as well, but I'm really liking this new one. she is a very prominent woman in our community and she is very important in our State.
I admire her so much!
I really hope things just get better from here on.
Life is good!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Interview
I had my interview this morning and it went well I think.
Well, I can't say for sure because I haven't yet developed the ability to read people's minds.
I did like the people I'm supposed to work with though. And it was a very interesting conversation, I liked it and I had a great time.
I really want to get this new job, it seems like tailored for me.
Well, I can't say for sure because I haven't yet developed the ability to read people's minds.
I did like the people I'm supposed to work with though. And it was a very interesting conversation, I liked it and I had a great time.
I really want to get this new job, it seems like tailored for me.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Yes!!!
I passed the darn test!!!
I did!!
I'm almost there!
I already called my mom and my sisters and now I'm off to celebrate.
I haven't gotten the job yet, but we will see tomorrow after my interview.
:)
I did!!
I'm almost there!
I already called my mom and my sisters and now I'm off to celebrate.
I haven't gotten the job yet, but we will see tomorrow after my interview.
:)
Monday, July 16, 2007
Wow
I took the test this morning.
All I can say is: Wow.
There were 100 questions and I just need 56 correct. Still, it was so hard that the more I think about it the more depressed I feel.
I really want this job, but this test was unbelievable!
It was almost surreal.
There were other 5 people with me trying for the same position.
They all looked like English was just their 2nd language and I wonder how did they do.
I hope I passed, otherwise I would be devastated.
It's just that although I still feel passionate about the mission of my current job, I'm growing more and more disinterested in the job itself. Part of it is the lack of involvement I'm experiencing in the decision-making procedures. I feel like my collaboration is being slowly pushed back.
Besides, I must admit that since I was offered this opportunity all I can think of is this new job. Dream on, dream on.
All I can say is: Wow.
There were 100 questions and I just need 56 correct. Still, it was so hard that the more I think about it the more depressed I feel.
I really want this job, but this test was unbelievable!
It was almost surreal.
There were other 5 people with me trying for the same position.
They all looked like English was just their 2nd language and I wonder how did they do.
I hope I passed, otherwise I would be devastated.
It's just that although I still feel passionate about the mission of my current job, I'm growing more and more disinterested in the job itself. Part of it is the lack of involvement I'm experiencing in the decision-making procedures. I feel like my collaboration is being slowly pushed back.
Besides, I must admit that since I was offered this opportunity all I can think of is this new job. Dream on, dream on.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Preparation
Here studying like mad. On Monday is my test for this new job and I want to be the best. I want to make clear that I'm the person for that job.
I'm a little worried about my grammar and bussiness math. I make a lot of mistakes due to English being my second language, but I'll be fine.
ttfn
I'm a little worried about my grammar and bussiness math. I make a lot of mistakes due to English being my second language, but I'll be fine.
ttfn
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Hot
What a hot couple of days. The temperatures have reached record numbers and I am inside my house trying to cool down with my cats and birds. Poor hubby, had to work all of these days.
I received an email today saying that my application for this other job I SOOOOOO want, has already been approved and I have to show up in one more week for a written examination.
I'm not really worried but I will try to brush up on my business math and all that old stuff.
Now, instead of continue eating my own brain thinking of what is going to happen, I will prepare some nice Ice tea with the herbs from my backyard.
ttfn.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Everything's just wonderful
I'm bored to death.
Being bored makes me grumpy.
I already applied for that job I talked about in my last post but nothing is happening yet. I think they have to stop recruitment tomorrow and then I should know.
In the meantime every day is becoming more unbearable at my current job.
I think I mentioned some time ago that I'm not getting along with this guy that write grants for the organization. Now he is in charge of training as well and from 20 hours a week now I have to share the same air with him 40 hours a week.
I also mentioned some time ago that the only reason I put up with this a**hole is because he brings money to the organization and I don't need everybody hating me for chasing him away. Besides he has managed to kiss everybody's arse and I don't even get why everybody falls for it. It's so fake and insincere!! It revolves my stomach... literally.
I'm at the point that everytime he walks in or I hear his fake laughter my body reacts badly and my stomach starts hurting really bad.
Also, now I'm at the point where my job has nothing more to offer besides more money because I'm not doing anything really creative or exciting. The last time I tried being creative by designing a postcard that we would send out my boss came and told me to use the one she made from last year.
I really need a change so if this job that I'm so crazy about doesn't work I'll be looking for another one anyways.
On the good side: I've been playing guitar more often now. I've bought a cd I liked and the lyrics are so powerful and the music so energetic I couldn't resist myself. So I grabbed my guitar and I had a great time trying to make up the chords of the songs. I'm thinking of writing my own song... well, to tell the truth I've thought about that for a long time but I think I finally got the title for the first one: Brown nose.
Being bored makes me grumpy.
I already applied for that job I talked about in my last post but nothing is happening yet. I think they have to stop recruitment tomorrow and then I should know.
In the meantime every day is becoming more unbearable at my current job.
I think I mentioned some time ago that I'm not getting along with this guy that write grants for the organization. Now he is in charge of training as well and from 20 hours a week now I have to share the same air with him 40 hours a week.
I also mentioned some time ago that the only reason I put up with this a**hole is because he brings money to the organization and I don't need everybody hating me for chasing him away. Besides he has managed to kiss everybody's arse and I don't even get why everybody falls for it. It's so fake and insincere!! It revolves my stomach... literally.
I'm at the point that everytime he walks in or I hear his fake laughter my body reacts badly and my stomach starts hurting really bad.
Also, now I'm at the point where my job has nothing more to offer besides more money because I'm not doing anything really creative or exciting. The last time I tried being creative by designing a postcard that we would send out my boss came and told me to use the one she made from last year.
I really need a change so if this job that I'm so crazy about doesn't work I'll be looking for another one anyways.
On the good side: I've been playing guitar more often now. I've bought a cd I liked and the lyrics are so powerful and the music so energetic I couldn't resist myself. So I grabbed my guitar and I had a great time trying to make up the chords of the songs. I'm thinking of writing my own song... well, to tell the truth I've thought about that for a long time but I think I finally got the title for the first one: Brown nose.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Dizzy
Sometimes life takes you by surprise.
I'm used to it though.
The only thing different this time is how good or bad is the surprise.
I always tell my friends:
"Life wants you to move forward and if you don't, she pushes you... and hey, Life doesn't have soft hands and it hurts".
I talk because of my own experience. That is why I'm not fond of comfort zones. Every time I get too cozy and I don't want to move I get one of those pushes and it has always hurt and left me bruised.
It has always been for the better though. That is how I ended up marrying this man so "unusual" and moving to a country I never even dreamt of visiting.
That is how I've learnt so many different things and how I've meet so many different and interesting people. The key is to know that is always scary, it always terrifies you, and there is always people around you quick to advice and tell you all the possible things that could go wrong; but beyond all that you must never freeze and let it take control. Just know that you are stronger than all of that.
On the last few days I received Life's visit once again. Yeap, one of those.
It was my husband's birthday and I had to cook something really light and special at the same time because the only time that we could be together was after his job at around 11 pm. It got me very depressed and mad at the circumstances and I was thinking about the best way to make the changes I needed in my life when the phone rang. I got offered a really good job as the assistant to the Director of a Research Center at the Local University. Of course I said yes immediately but I still have to go through the whole selection process and put up with the bureaucracy necessary to make this thing work out.In the meantime I'm all dizzy and I'm kind of trying to be patient and hope for the best. I keep on thinking on the worst case scenario and trying not to freak out. I haven't been able to calm down yet and I'm enjoying every single minute of it.
Monday, June 04, 2007
After the storm
A lot of time and lots of things have happened:
1.- My sister went back home with my mom who was missing her an awful lot.
2.- Well, that darn conference has passed and finally I feel like I can breathe again.
As a matter of fact, last month most of what I’ve done is sitting down and just enjoying the silence and the calm.
It was hard at first. My sister left so the clam was even harder to process in my brain, because it got tangled with the feelings of missing her. So I was relaxed but I wasn’t happy.
Now I feel better though.
3.- I got a new neighbor and she is the sweetest lady. She has a little dog and we have a lot of things in common. Like me she spends a lot of time by herself so we agreed that if we were feeling lonely we would visit each other. She was struggling to remove the periwinkle that was growing like crazy all over the place so I went and help her clean up a section of her garden so she can plant some herbs and vegetable if she feels like it. A couple days later she came over with a present. Knowing that I love cats and I love tea, she gave me a teapot in the shape of a kitty cat.
4.- I’m looking for another job. Yes I love my job now, but I have to admit: I’m not moving forward. I’m not learning much and I think that my time here is over. I feel like I have so much to give and nobody has been able to exploit all that capabilities hidden inside me. I feel I can be a lot more but I lack of the stimulation that can ignite my creative self. Also there is another problem. I don’t have health Insurance. My husband does but he has to work weekends and holidays and I’m sick and tired of spending my holidays and weekends alone. So I want to get a job with Health Insurance so my husband can quit this other job and look for something better.
5.- I started sewing and cooking. I’m finally starting to do more crafty stuff. I love craft but just now I’m giving myself time to dedicate to my hobbies.
I’ll publish pictures of the apron I made later.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Sweet Sunday
Today I really wanted to go and relax, but I started my day by cleaning the whole house. Piles of dishes accumulated I don't now how since I washed them all the night before. We moved the birds to the dinning room where most of the action usually happens and only after cleaning and cooking some veggies I was able to treat myself by making some meat on the grill. My sister and I put all together and open a bottle of nice wine to enjoy the wonderful food.
I really needed to relax. Lately is like I am in some sort of weird dimension trying to fit in and trying just to survive.
Work is not helping much since I spend most of the time by myself or only with my boss. My sister thinks that I need to find another job with more people to socialize with. I don't know about that, but I must admit that there is a part of me that agrees with her.
Also, I can't stop thinking about my friend. The one I dreamt of the other night. I tried looking him up on the web but nothing. It's like he doesn't even exist. My only hope is that my sister or my mom are able to find an old address book and pull his number from there.
I don't want to think about tomorrow. I wish I could make my weekends last longer. I wanted so badly to clean and reorganize the garage but I run out of time.
Well, I guess I just need to wait for other 5 days till I can work on that again.
I really needed to relax. Lately is like I am in some sort of weird dimension trying to fit in and trying just to survive.
Work is not helping much since I spend most of the time by myself or only with my boss. My sister thinks that I need to find another job with more people to socialize with. I don't know about that, but I must admit that there is a part of me that agrees with her.
Also, I can't stop thinking about my friend. The one I dreamt of the other night. I tried looking him up on the web but nothing. It's like he doesn't even exist. My only hope is that my sister or my mom are able to find an old address book and pull his number from there.
I don't want to think about tomorrow. I wish I could make my weekends last longer. I wanted so badly to clean and reorganize the garage but I run out of time.
Well, I guess I just need to wait for other 5 days till I can work on that again.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
The First cut is the deepest
Last night I had this dream about a fried of mine. I lost contact with him but now he is back in my thoughts I feel like I really need him and I really need to talk to him. I realize now that I might have hurt him really bad 10 years ago. But I was way too immature and I didn't know any better and I realize now that things work out the way they did for the better.
His memory sneaked up on me like a ghost and now it looks like it will stay with me until I pay my debt. I miss you my friend and I wish I could have your warm embrace like on those warm summer days.
I'm sorry and I miss you!!!
His memory sneaked up on me like a ghost and now it looks like it will stay with me until I pay my debt. I miss you my friend and I wish I could have your warm embrace like on those warm summer days.
I'm sorry and I miss you!!!
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