Free Press : When Uninformed Senators Make Laws...
Ok, The political class in this country doesn't cease to amaze me. How can somebody put himself in a position so embarrassing like Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) did? This guy absolutely made an ass of himself. I heard his speech this morning and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. He was so passionate about making everybody understand that Net Neutrality is BAAAAAD! He even said that because of people sending videos through internet his service was delayed because somebody sent him an "internet" on Friday and he didn't receive it until Monday. Geeee!!! No wonder it took so long for him to receive it, after all it was "an internet" what was being sent!!!!
Yikes! My body is responding really bad to all this. The stresss is taking over my body... it feels like going back to my years of tech support all over again! It feels like yesterday:"Fix my internet!!". Or even more classic:" My cupholder is not working!!".
Somebody PLEASE make sure that Ted Stevens' "internet" is turned on before he grabs the phone to call his tech support!
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
with a little bit of sugar...
There are days in which I don't know what to do first. My brain goes in thousand different directions. I can't figure out anything and i end up just sitting down paralyzed. In moments like those I wish I could find a little bit of calm and get my thoughts in order.Today however, I was getting really depressed and I ended up doing what I do best: looking for something to eat. And I decided to eat the wonderful cookies that my husband's grandma sent. She make these every once in a while. This woman is the sweetest lady i've met. She makes these german cookies with so much love and dedication. I hope when I get older I can be like her, and make wonderful cookies that cheer up the soul of some lonely gal somewhere far away.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Nostalgia
I've been thinking a lot about my country lately. I miss the food, the wine, the good conversation, the noise, but mostely my family.
In days like these I find myself just standing in my kitchen with a glass of table wine trying to emulate some typical recipe. I have some spices I carry with me when coming back to the States after visiting my family, and I even handled to bring some hand made clay pots.
My mom says that she can hardly believe I'm the same person I was when living under her roof. She had all these rules that I hated and some I found quite useless but now I have my own kitchen they make perfect sense. Mostly it was all about cleaning.
- Never cook before washing all the dishes.
- Always use hot water to wash the dishes and just enough soap, otherwise is a waste of both things.
- Make sure to wash all the utensils and tools as you use them. That way things don't pile up and make a big mess around the cooking area.
- Pull you hair back in a pony tail or something that assures you and everybody else it won't be appearing in the soup.
- Never cry on top of the pots and pans.
And the GOLDEN RULE: NEVER EVER cook while sitting down. Otherwise you are a lazy woman and God knows that there is no worse curse than being called that.
My mom and the rest of my family have a very strong opinion of lazy women. She would die if she sees what I've seen here sometimes: women at the store wearing pijamas. I honestly don't know if it is a trend or what, but I've surprised myself disgusted at the sight of such a sacrilege. It's like if my mom was taking over my body and soul to say "Lazy woman, that is disgusting! You must be smelling terribly, not even taking a shower today, what a shame. There is nothing I hate more than seeing women doing the houseshores in Pijamas, I have the impression they must be stinky!!". I hear my mom's voice loud and clear in my head in absolute disapproval with her always dignified look.
As I review all the rules my mom enforces in the kitchen I make sure the stove plates are as impecable as it can be and that the pots and pans get washed, dryed and stored as they are meant to be. In a few more minutes I will take them out again to cook with them, but it doesn't matter, because at the end all the rules make perfect sense to me, above all when I'm missing my mother so badly.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Delayed Post
I wrote this blog 2 days ago but I'm too cheap to pay for connection to post it right away.
Anyways, here it goes
June 14th 2006.
I’m at B&N again. This is my second night in a row.
I came here because of the wireless but I don’t feel like paying almost 4 bucks for an hour and a half of connectivity. Borders is yet worse. I like that bookstore but they are charging 6 dollars for just one hour. It’s absolutely outrageous to pay that amount just for a bit of bandwidth when they have so much available. Greedy bastards!
Anyhow. I went to an ESL orientation at a community college to see if that is useful for my sister. She is visiting me at the end of the year (Woohoo!!!) and I want her to use the time I’m going to be working in taking classes to improve her English. This one turned out to be something different from what I expected. It was more for people that is actually living in the USA, and it was for free but as a way to invest in the people that is actually taking those classes to be part of this society which is not what my sister wants to do anyways.
The orientation was still kind of funny. It was a Spanish orientation (which took me by surprise since the person that gave me the information on the phone neglected to mention this detail) directed by an Iranian woman that openly admitted never studying Spanish and speaking very little. Mostly it was spanglish and a very confused one. She spent most of the time trying to make the attendees (everyone there was Latin) that USA was a great country and the land of opportunity and how they could be millionaires if they learnt English.
I think I’ll end up again at the university level, and although is a lot more expensive is more oriented towards the goals my sister has in mind.
And changing the subject. Today my garden looked wonderful but I had to cover the seedlings because it was getting cold outside, which is very weird given that we are reaching summer. My tomatoes are growing big and pretty and my herbs look just beautiful. The only thing I’m obsessed about is getting a Lemon Verbena for my herbal garden. I want to put a leave or two in my mate, like my mom does. I can’t remember the name we give to this herb in my country. Also, I have these seeds of Nasturtium I haven’t sown but I can’t find a good spot for them. It has to be sunny and it has to be somewhere that they can climb because is a vine after all. Another project is making a planter to put outside my kitchen window. It’s not very sunny but I think it has enough light to have some herbs and some flowers growing.
I know it’s little too in advance but I can stop thinking about the winter and how is going to affect my garden. It kills me to think that some of my herbs will not survive it.
I try to think in how to make a greenhouse that will protect my herbs and plants for the winter but I can’t really come up with any idea that makes good sense.
Anyways, here it goes
June 14th 2006.
I’m at B&N again. This is my second night in a row.
I came here because of the wireless but I don’t feel like paying almost 4 bucks for an hour and a half of connectivity. Borders is yet worse. I like that bookstore but they are charging 6 dollars for just one hour. It’s absolutely outrageous to pay that amount just for a bit of bandwidth when they have so much available. Greedy bastards!
Anyhow. I went to an ESL orientation at a community college to see if that is useful for my sister. She is visiting me at the end of the year (Woohoo!!!) and I want her to use the time I’m going to be working in taking classes to improve her English. This one turned out to be something different from what I expected. It was more for people that is actually living in the USA, and it was for free but as a way to invest in the people that is actually taking those classes to be part of this society which is not what my sister wants to do anyways.
The orientation was still kind of funny. It was a Spanish orientation (which took me by surprise since the person that gave me the information on the phone neglected to mention this detail) directed by an Iranian woman that openly admitted never studying Spanish and speaking very little. Mostly it was spanglish and a very confused one. She spent most of the time trying to make the attendees (everyone there was Latin) that USA was a great country and the land of opportunity and how they could be millionaires if they learnt English.
I think I’ll end up again at the university level, and although is a lot more expensive is more oriented towards the goals my sister has in mind.
And changing the subject. Today my garden looked wonderful but I had to cover the seedlings because it was getting cold outside, which is very weird given that we are reaching summer. My tomatoes are growing big and pretty and my herbs look just beautiful. The only thing I’m obsessed about is getting a Lemon Verbena for my herbal garden. I want to put a leave or two in my mate, like my mom does. I can’t remember the name we give to this herb in my country. Also, I have these seeds of Nasturtium I haven’t sown but I can’t find a good spot for them. It has to be sunny and it has to be somewhere that they can climb because is a vine after all. Another project is making a planter to put outside my kitchen window. It’s not very sunny but I think it has enough light to have some herbs and some flowers growing.
I know it’s little too in advance but I can stop thinking about the winter and how is going to affect my garden. It kills me to think that some of my herbs will not survive it.
I try to think in how to make a greenhouse that will protect my herbs and plants for the winter but I can’t really come up with any idea that makes good sense.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
My Minnesota Home
We just got out of the movies.
We went to see A Prairie Home Companion after several attempts during the whole busy past weekend. I cried so much and laughed so much that I was unbelievably upset for not being able to control this hurricane of emotions that was shaking me. I don’t know if all the other people felt like I felt watching the movie or if it had some sort of special meaning for me. The music has a lot to do with it. It was real music, the one that comes out of the heart of people that works the land and the country. Those that really know about hard work and hard life period. It reminded me of papaw and his stories. It made me feel like I should write a song myself about simple things that fulfill the souls of those hardworking people, like my parents and grandparents, including my adoptive grandparents. Oh boy how close to home all that felt! And I’m not even a native from the Midwest! It was like all of the sudden I had my own memories of a place in which I never lived and in a time where I wasn’t even born.
All these small details that should be meaningless for me turned out to be embedded in my heart after all. It is very hard to describe what was going on inside me while sitting in the theater. I was able to relate to almost every character in that movie, like I knew them all for a long time, and not because I listen to the radio show every weekend, but because in some moment of my life I’ve met every one of those characters for real.
All that theater environment, the music, the singers, the whole show seemed like it was a very familiar place, a place where I should be right now.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Current Affairs
I'm at the office. The other girl that works with me and the one that gives me directions has gone on vacations to Disneyland. So I'm all by myself trying to keep busy and entertained. It's hard when most of the stuff I get to work on comes from only one person and she is gone.
But I want to clarify that I'm not complaining. I love my job and I love to do the stuff I do here.
In fact I have presented my resignation to my second job (the one at the store) so I can spend more time at the non profit volunteering a few hours when they need it.
We have so much stuff going on and I'm so excited to participate in everything!
This has definitely given my life a new turn and a totally different new feeling about the world.
Another plus: it's at a walking distance from home, and as soon as I finish with my job at the store I'll start biking to come to work. That will save me a few bucks by not spending too much in gas. Above all now that the prices are soaring so badly.
These past nights I've been sleeping very bad. I had horrible nightmares all week and last night I had one about a girl that got fired at the store where I work. She started just a few weeks ago and last Saturday, I think, she was trying to leave with 2 bags stuffed with clothes, worth more than $400. Fortunately for the store and unfortunately for her the security people saw her and stopped her. She got very nervous and said she had left the receipt on the second floor. Since it was her time to leave the security guys held on to the bags and told her to bring the receipt the next day. She showed up to work next day just as if nothing happened and later on got escorted by the manager out of the building. I know that what she did was very dishonest and under no circunstance I justify it but I feel really bad for her. She is very young and evidently very stupid. She told everyone there that she was saving money to get breast implants althought she was struggling to pay her rent. She is just 19 years old, just graduated from High School last year and is living a life of poverty out of home, telling lies just for the heck of it and stealing junk to get bigger breasts. I hate when people tells me "Awell, many of us had a hard life and we are not thieves". I particularly feel I had a hard life too and yet I don't feel I have the moral authority to judge this girl from this throne of virtues everybody seems so eager to sit on. Where is compassion nowadays?
But I want to clarify that I'm not complaining. I love my job and I love to do the stuff I do here.
In fact I have presented my resignation to my second job (the one at the store) so I can spend more time at the non profit volunteering a few hours when they need it.
We have so much stuff going on and I'm so excited to participate in everything!
This has definitely given my life a new turn and a totally different new feeling about the world.
Another plus: it's at a walking distance from home, and as soon as I finish with my job at the store I'll start biking to come to work. That will save me a few bucks by not spending too much in gas. Above all now that the prices are soaring so badly.
These past nights I've been sleeping very bad. I had horrible nightmares all week and last night I had one about a girl that got fired at the store where I work. She started just a few weeks ago and last Saturday, I think, she was trying to leave with 2 bags stuffed with clothes, worth more than $400. Fortunately for the store and unfortunately for her the security people saw her and stopped her. She got very nervous and said she had left the receipt on the second floor. Since it was her time to leave the security guys held on to the bags and told her to bring the receipt the next day. She showed up to work next day just as if nothing happened and later on got escorted by the manager out of the building. I know that what she did was very dishonest and under no circunstance I justify it but I feel really bad for her. She is very young and evidently very stupid. She told everyone there that she was saving money to get breast implants althought she was struggling to pay her rent. She is just 19 years old, just graduated from High School last year and is living a life of poverty out of home, telling lies just for the heck of it and stealing junk to get bigger breasts. I hate when people tells me "Awell, many of us had a hard life and we are not thieves". I particularly feel I had a hard life too and yet I don't feel I have the moral authority to judge this girl from this throne of virtues everybody seems so eager to sit on. Where is compassion nowadays?
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Other Side of the World
Well, and another day has passed me by.
I didn't do much besides mowing the lawn of the front yard.
My cats are in desperate need of attention but I can't give it to them since there are so many other things in my head right now.
Today I was at the store (my second job), and I really didn't feel like selling anything or being there at all. I'm glad that the few guys that work with me there that keep me laughing most of the day. They tell me that I' so sweet and all that jazz. I just feel like I'm deceiving them because I'm far from being sweet. I love those guys. Most of the time I feel like hugging them. They are so huggable!!!
Joe comes from Boston and hehas a strong accent and I simplely love it! I wish he kept on talking because is so fascinating to hear it. Roger is such a funny guy and he has always something completely outrageous to say. Bob is an older fellow and I've learnt to appreciate his company as well. I'm getting their emails and phone numbers to see if we can get together when we are off from work.
Ops! Time for me to go and pick up my husband!!
ttfn
I didn't do much besides mowing the lawn of the front yard.
My cats are in desperate need of attention but I can't give it to them since there are so many other things in my head right now.
Today I was at the store (my second job), and I really didn't feel like selling anything or being there at all. I'm glad that the few guys that work with me there that keep me laughing most of the day. They tell me that I' so sweet and all that jazz. I just feel like I'm deceiving them because I'm far from being sweet. I love those guys. Most of the time I feel like hugging them. They are so huggable!!!
Joe comes from Boston and hehas a strong accent and I simplely love it! I wish he kept on talking because is so fascinating to hear it. Roger is such a funny guy and he has always something completely outrageous to say. Bob is an older fellow and I've learnt to appreciate his company as well. I'm getting their emails and phone numbers to see if we can get together when we are off from work.
Ops! Time for me to go and pick up my husband!!
ttfn
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Same Kind of Crazy
Well, I started at my new job with a non profit and so far... I love it!
I'm a little scared because I'm so excited about it and I'm so scared at the same time!
I'm affraid that I change my mind and I find it not so fun in a week or two.
My brain is going at 2000 mph thinking of all the things I want to do and all the things I don't know how to do.
Right now the biggest thing I need to do is setting up my router and my home network. Getting a domain and put to work my server.
I have a computer that I will use as a server. I still don't know how I'm going to do it but I guess you learn by doing don't you?
Also I need to work on my personal webpage and on my garden journal. I'm working on my garden althought last week was too crazy for me to "stop and smell the roses". I've been taking pictures of the progress but I need to take the pictures and do a compilation of all the stuff.
My husband is going to build a nice desk for my computer and that should make things easier... I guess. It's just that I don't have enough time to do things.
I've got two jobs and it's really impossible to rest. I try to sleep at night but I can't rest my mind.
Everything is so crazy!
I'm a little scared because I'm so excited about it and I'm so scared at the same time!
I'm affraid that I change my mind and I find it not so fun in a week or two.
My brain is going at 2000 mph thinking of all the things I want to do and all the things I don't know how to do.
Right now the biggest thing I need to do is setting up my router and my home network. Getting a domain and put to work my server.
I have a computer that I will use as a server. I still don't know how I'm going to do it but I guess you learn by doing don't you?
Also I need to work on my personal webpage and on my garden journal. I'm working on my garden althought last week was too crazy for me to "stop and smell the roses". I've been taking pictures of the progress but I need to take the pictures and do a compilation of all the stuff.
My husband is going to build a nice desk for my computer and that should make things easier... I guess. It's just that I don't have enough time to do things.
I've got two jobs and it's really impossible to rest. I try to sleep at night but I can't rest my mind.
Everything is so crazy!
Friday, April 07, 2006
At last
Well, and it looks like finally the spring has decided to start in this town. I found this tiny and shy bulb growing on the side of my fence.
I would have don more but I'm affraid I was too worried about my cat trying to get out on the street.
Sometimes when I go out to garden I let him make me company so he can run and play on the grass. Very rarely he adventures outside the fence but it's good to keep an eye on him.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Little Miss
Well, I gave my notice.
I feel so free now!
Finally I will have time to do the stuff I want to do. Live a little!!
I have some projects already:
I feel so free now!
Finally I will have time to do the stuff I want to do. Live a little!!
I have some projects already:
- Put together my server and my router.
- Organize the house with the furniture I don't have
- clean up the garden and plant the bulbs for summer.
- Take my kitties to the vet.
Those are all things I've put aside because I was way to busy to even breath.
But things have changed now and I have to make the most of it.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Human
Well, I'm in a new job. Actually, not so new. I started exactly a month ago but I'm ready to quit. Things didn't work out. It's a real mess over here. I'm supposed to be doing customer service but it is not happening and I've been reduced to spend the day entering data.
I love the people though, they are really sweet and good people overall. But I can't stand the job itself. In fact, I'm willing to leave for a job at a non-profit where I won't get paid at all.
After all I still have another part time job at a store where surprisingly I'm having fun!
Awell, I'll try to post a little more often so I can keep this blog more up to date
I love the people though, they are really sweet and good people overall. But I can't stand the job itself. In fact, I'm willing to leave for a job at a non-profit where I won't get paid at all.
After all I still have another part time job at a store where surprisingly I'm having fun!
Awell, I'll try to post a little more often so I can keep this blog more up to date
Friday, February 17, 2006
Don't Wait too long
Today I stopped by the offices where I temped back in October as a receptionist. People seemed happy to see me. I wanted to see them too and see how things are going and of course use the oportunity to let them know I'm still looking for a job. Looked like they would be very happy if I get to work with them again, but I have to be careful with whatever they offer me. I'm affraid I might be underestimated once again.
Everytime I talk to my sister about my job related issues she seems to get really upset at me. I think she blames everything on me somehow. And maybe she is right. Maybe I am the problem. How is that most of people seems to be fine and be able to find their way through whatever job is left on their laps? I don't get it.
I don't thinkI've ever been happy on a job. I've hated them all!
Do I hate to work? Is that the problem?
Many time I've thought that maybe I was born to be a housewife. Stay-home-mom as they call it now.
I picture myself full of children making preserves and canning veggies for winter. Spending my whole day in the kitchen preparing all kind of dishes that my children will remember till the day they die because nobody will cook like me.
But how is that I can't find anything further than that to fulfill me?
I remember when I was 10 years old and we were taugth the talents story from the Bible. Basically said that if you don't use your talents you lose them. The only real talent I think I have is my voice. Maybe that is where I should find my way and I'm just wasting time right now.
Whatever it is my vocation I just want to know what a heck it is... the soonest the better.
Everytime I talk to my sister about my job related issues she seems to get really upset at me. I think she blames everything on me somehow. And maybe she is right. Maybe I am the problem. How is that most of people seems to be fine and be able to find their way through whatever job is left on their laps? I don't get it.
I don't thinkI've ever been happy on a job. I've hated them all!
Do I hate to work? Is that the problem?
Many time I've thought that maybe I was born to be a housewife. Stay-home-mom as they call it now.
I picture myself full of children making preserves and canning veggies for winter. Spending my whole day in the kitchen preparing all kind of dishes that my children will remember till the day they die because nobody will cook like me.
But how is that I can't find anything further than that to fulfill me?
I remember when I was 10 years old and we were taugth the talents story from the Bible. Basically said that if you don't use your talents you lose them. The only real talent I think I have is my voice. Maybe that is where I should find my way and I'm just wasting time right now.
Whatever it is my vocation I just want to know what a heck it is... the soonest the better.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Just like a fish
I like writting when I have the inspiration to do so, but today and yesterday too, I only got to the blogging affairs due to the fact that at my new job I have nothing to do. I'm literally just sitting on my desk reorganizing over and over the penholder, stapler, etc. I've cleaned the desk so many times that I know every spot by heart.
My boss just passed by and commented out loud:
-Oh! She is cleaning her desk 'cause apparently she has a lot of time to do it.
It wasn't in bad mood... I think. I can never be sure because I rarely talk to him.
When I came here I came because they promissed me a lot of stuff to do and oportunities to grow.
Grow my derriere I guess because is the only thing I notice increasing during this past week.
My supervisor is losing her mind trying to find projects for me and stuff to keep me busy but I'm evidently way too fast for them.
For what everybody says, what takes me just and hour or so to do, it would take about two days to the person they had before me, and if that wasn't enough it would be done with lots of errors.
In my humble opinion they don't need somebody like me here. They just need somebody mildly competent.
Of course when I have that amount of down time the first thing that comes to mind is watering plants.
I kind of got tired of cleaning my desk. I'm affraid the plants will die due to overwatering.
Maybe I should concentrate on that fishing tank they have next to me. It makes some awful noises and it's getting in my nerves. I have so much time to kill that I'll end up either fixing it or drawning in it.
My boss just passed by and commented out loud:
-Oh! She is cleaning her desk 'cause apparently she has a lot of time to do it.
It wasn't in bad mood... I think. I can never be sure because I rarely talk to him.
When I came here I came because they promissed me a lot of stuff to do and oportunities to grow.
Grow my derriere I guess because is the only thing I notice increasing during this past week.
My supervisor is losing her mind trying to find projects for me and stuff to keep me busy but I'm evidently way too fast for them.
For what everybody says, what takes me just and hour or so to do, it would take about two days to the person they had before me, and if that wasn't enough it would be done with lots of errors.
In my humble opinion they don't need somebody like me here. They just need somebody mildly competent.
Of course when I have that amount of down time the first thing that comes to mind is watering plants.
I kind of got tired of cleaning my desk. I'm affraid the plants will die due to overwatering.
Maybe I should concentrate on that fishing tank they have next to me. It makes some awful noises and it's getting in my nerves. I have so much time to kill that I'll end up either fixing it or drawning in it.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Back to winter
The last week had been so georgeous. Amazingly beautiful days full of sun and birds singing everywhere. I even got to buy a few bulbs to plant in my garden to later realize that is not spring yet. I guess in the West you have the shortest winters which I love.
But this morning my dream of a short winter kind of broke. Snow everywhere and even with a shinny sun there are still some flakes flying around.
The differnce with the midwest is that here I can see the mountains and I forget that it's so cold and that just yesterday I was wearing a short sleeve shirt.
God I love those mountains. They are so beautiful that now I can imagine living anywhere else away from them. They lift my spirit and help me to keep on going.
I guess that is hard for anyone that grew up without them to understand the importance that this creation's presence has in my life. I grew up watching the mountains every single day of my life. They are like a mother figure or as my sister would say :" It's like a birthmark".
But this morning my dream of a short winter kind of broke. Snow everywhere and even with a shinny sun there are still some flakes flying around.
The differnce with the midwest is that here I can see the mountains and I forget that it's so cold and that just yesterday I was wearing a short sleeve shirt.
God I love those mountains. They are so beautiful that now I can imagine living anywhere else away from them. They lift my spirit and help me to keep on going.
I guess that is hard for anyone that grew up without them to understand the importance that this creation's presence has in my life. I grew up watching the mountains every single day of my life. They are like a mother figure or as my sister would say :" It's like a birthmark".
Friday, February 10, 2006
The Grass is Green
I'm upset.
This time is at myself though.
It seems like I'm uncapable of putting my foot down (new phrase I learned) when it's about the money.
Once again I got set in a job that I can't care less about and earning just enough to cver my needs. This is so stupid.
I've been lucky that I have to deal with nice people that treats me ok, but that doesn't pay my bills.
I come from a culture where you should be grateful you have a job to start with, so it's very hard for me to say "Sorry but this is not what I'm looking for". I feel like I have to always give it a try. It's like a voice in my head that will shout "Don't you dare to let this job oportunity pass by... you are lucky they want you when so many other people is unemployed out there".
That voice coincidentially sounds a lot like my father's.
When I started working (right after high school) I went for a job at a Tennis Club. They were looking for a Programmer (which is what I am) but what they really needed was a secretary that could deal with a Macintosh. It was just for the weekends and holidays. I accepted just to be able to give it a try and because I wasn't sure what it was that they wanted me to do. When I told my father that I hated it and that I was going to quit he yelled at me and he seemed so dissapointed that I didn't last more than a month and that I wasn't willing to try longer. He didn't understand what was wrong with it. That story has haunted me for years till now, and probably will keep on going because I don't seem to find the strength to overpower it.
Right now I'm working doing things I was never interested in doing. Yesterday somebody even asked me to water the plants and I almost burst into tears, not because I think is something too low for me or anything like that, but as I was filling up the watering can I saw me 10 years ago ready for greater things and ready to conquer the world of technology and then I was here again 10 years later filling up a watering can while I paid attention so I wouldn't miss a call.
I think I will stay for a bit on this job while something better shows up. On my part I'm already working to make things happen.The only plants I'm willing to water are the ones in my garden, the rest should never be my bussiness.
This time is at myself though.
It seems like I'm uncapable of putting my foot down (new phrase I learned) when it's about the money.
Once again I got set in a job that I can't care less about and earning just enough to cver my needs. This is so stupid.
I've been lucky that I have to deal with nice people that treats me ok, but that doesn't pay my bills.
I come from a culture where you should be grateful you have a job to start with, so it's very hard for me to say "Sorry but this is not what I'm looking for". I feel like I have to always give it a try. It's like a voice in my head that will shout "Don't you dare to let this job oportunity pass by... you are lucky they want you when so many other people is unemployed out there".
That voice coincidentially sounds a lot like my father's.
When I started working (right after high school) I went for a job at a Tennis Club. They were looking for a Programmer (which is what I am) but what they really needed was a secretary that could deal with a Macintosh. It was just for the weekends and holidays. I accepted just to be able to give it a try and because I wasn't sure what it was that they wanted me to do. When I told my father that I hated it and that I was going to quit he yelled at me and he seemed so dissapointed that I didn't last more than a month and that I wasn't willing to try longer. He didn't understand what was wrong with it. That story has haunted me for years till now, and probably will keep on going because I don't seem to find the strength to overpower it.
Right now I'm working doing things I was never interested in doing. Yesterday somebody even asked me to water the plants and I almost burst into tears, not because I think is something too low for me or anything like that, but as I was filling up the watering can I saw me 10 years ago ready for greater things and ready to conquer the world of technology and then I was here again 10 years later filling up a watering can while I paid attention so I wouldn't miss a call.
I think I will stay for a bit on this job while something better shows up. On my part I'm already working to make things happen.The only plants I'm willing to water are the ones in my garden, the rest should never be my bussiness.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Bewitched
Bewitched: "After one whole quart of brandy
Like a daisy I'm awake
With no roma seltzer handy
I don't even shake.
Men are not a new sensation
I've done pretty well I think
But this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink....."
Well, I'm finally home after a midless day of work... filing papers.
I can't believe that's what I'm doing right now. But it will last only until next week when I finish my job and I move from my apartment to a cute little cottage style house in a much more quiet and nicer neighborhood. I will miss downtown but I'm just moving like a mile away. It not the same though. I can't walk to the theather and coffee shops and casinos anymore. I mean, I could, but it would be really exhausting. Biking it's more like it. I do have a coffee shop a block away, i noticed. Now I have a pretty little garden with roses and a cherry tree, humingbirds included. Also there is a vine covered deck with a built-in grill. The vines are sleeping now but I can forget about that in the meantime while I seat comfortable next to my fireplace with a nice cup of cocoa. I guess I will miss a little the New York feeling my tiny apartment gives me, but I'll get over it.
Yes, sometimes luck happens.
Like a daisy I'm awake
With no roma seltzer handy
I don't even shake.
Men are not a new sensation
I've done pretty well I think
But this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink....."
Well, I'm finally home after a midless day of work... filing papers.
I can't believe that's what I'm doing right now. But it will last only until next week when I finish my job and I move from my apartment to a cute little cottage style house in a much more quiet and nicer neighborhood. I will miss downtown but I'm just moving like a mile away. It not the same though. I can't walk to the theather and coffee shops and casinos anymore. I mean, I could, but it would be really exhausting. Biking it's more like it. I do have a coffee shop a block away, i noticed. Now I have a pretty little garden with roses and a cherry tree, humingbirds included. Also there is a vine covered deck with a built-in grill. The vines are sleeping now but I can forget about that in the meantime while I seat comfortable next to my fireplace with a nice cup of cocoa. I guess I will miss a little the New York feeling my tiny apartment gives me, but I'll get over it.
Yes, sometimes luck happens.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
The imposible Dream
Our brain is a wonderful, misterious and amazing machine almost imposible to understand.
On Monday I had a massage. Oh boy! That is a whole different world. I was enjoying myself, sitting on that chair and letting this complete stranger to press every muscle. All of the sudden she press an specific point behind my ears, closer to the back of my neck. It was automatic. Ilaughed without beiing able to control the impulse. She thought I was thinking of something funny,but I wasn't. It was like if I had a special "laughing button" that she happened to press. I wonder how many other spots with similar reactions we have in our bodies. Nerves connected to our brain programmed to rect in different ways to different touches.
And today I noticed something else that amazed me. I got a membership for this Napster thing. I started looking for that music that I rarely hear on the radio. I found among many other things the soundtrack from the Bradway show "The Man of La Mancha". I played the song I like the most (The impossible dream) and as soon as Brian Stokes Mitchell started singing, my eyes got full of tears and I had a very annoying knot in my throat. I tried listening the song again later on, but the same reaction happened. It's almost imposible for me to listen to the song without crying. Something is connected to my brain that gets activated by this song.
Our brain will never stop being a mistery.
On Monday I had a massage. Oh boy! That is a whole different world. I was enjoying myself, sitting on that chair and letting this complete stranger to press every muscle. All of the sudden she press an specific point behind my ears, closer to the back of my neck. It was automatic. Ilaughed without beiing able to control the impulse. She thought I was thinking of something funny,but I wasn't. It was like if I had a special "laughing button" that she happened to press. I wonder how many other spots with similar reactions we have in our bodies. Nerves connected to our brain programmed to rect in different ways to different touches.
And today I noticed something else that amazed me. I got a membership for this Napster thing. I started looking for that music that I rarely hear on the radio. I found among many other things the soundtrack from the Bradway show "The Man of La Mancha". I played the song I like the most (The impossible dream) and as soon as Brian Stokes Mitchell started singing, my eyes got full of tears and I had a very annoying knot in my throat. I tried listening the song again later on, but the same reaction happened. It's almost imposible for me to listen to the song without crying. Something is connected to my brain that gets activated by this song.
Our brain will never stop being a mistery.
This morning it was summer
I'm sorry. I'm so tired.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I need to go to bed.
I'm working 15 hours a day.
I'm so exhausted.
I'm going to bed missing all my friends.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I need to go to bed.
I'm working 15 hours a day.
I'm so exhausted.
I'm going to bed missing all my friends.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
You Gotta be
You gotta be strong...
Things are getting tough. I got a daytime job finally. I'll be working for about a month as a receptionist and thenI will start all over again looking for a more definitive job.
Now I'm working 2 jobs. It's hard but one keeps my brain busy (sort of) andthe other keeps my body moving. Both are low pay but at least I will be able to take care of my bills and the the huge debt caused by the moving to the West.
I always admired the people that can do that. Woking 2 jobs to be able to make a decent living. I don't know how they are able to keep it together but I guess I'll figure out now.
I wish I could quit my second job. It's so mindless, but I need all the money I can earn for now. That way at least I will have a few bucks to enjoy life a little bit.
Things are getting tough. I got a daytime job finally. I'll be working for about a month as a receptionist and thenI will start all over again looking for a more definitive job.
Now I'm working 2 jobs. It's hard but one keeps my brain busy (sort of) andthe other keeps my body moving. Both are low pay but at least I will be able to take care of my bills and the the huge debt caused by the moving to the West.
I always admired the people that can do that. Woking 2 jobs to be able to make a decent living. I don't know how they are able to keep it together but I guess I'll figure out now.
I wish I could quit my second job. It's so mindless, but I need all the money I can earn for now. That way at least I will have a few bucks to enjoy life a little bit.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Mama
I could say I've been lazy about this blog but the truth is that I've hardly had time to pay attention to it.
It took a couple weeks after I got to this western city to get a phone line and then some more to get the internet conection working. The good thing is that I live just a couple blocks from the telephone company and therefore I have an unbelievable fast conection. I love it!
The apartment where I live it's nice, but I have conflicted feelings about it. It's a very Old but pretty house that it's surrounded by 3 buildings.
On the right there is an "Hotel" that in my opinion doesn't look very reputable. The first week we got here my husband saw what he though it was a guy trying to pee inside his own truck. It was weird because the guy was outside the truck with the dooropen and kind of leaning forward, just like if he was peeing. When looking more carefully the guy realized my husband was there and tried leaning forward a little further. It turned out to be that it wasn't peeing. In fact he wasn't doing much, somebody else was doing it for him.
On the left we have some sort of "apartment complex". Each apartment is tiny enought to have a bed, TV, a refrigerator and a microwave inside. The rent is month to month and it's only $400. Some of the people that lives there looks terribly shady and I don't like them. When I was moving in I witnessed a fight between some of them. It was just the first day here.
On the back of the building, just crossing the street there is another building. Very nice too. It looks brand new and very sophisticated. I couldn't believe it when I found out that only people that makes less than $17,000 a year can live there.
The apartment has hardwood floor. It's such a wonderful thing. I love it. I never lived anywhere with hardwood floors and it's fantastic. But other than that It was a big mess here. When we arrived I spent almost 2 weeks just cleaning and organizing. The bathroom and the kitchen were disgusting and the windows where just tinted with filth. It wasn't like I had any choice because I had the truck loadded with my stuff waiting outside the door so I pretty much was stuck with signing the lease.
The landlord is a joke. He simplely has no idea what is going on here. All the repairs that we have pending he seems to have forgotten. I really do not like him but again, I'm stuck with him at least until spring when I'm sure I'll move to another place, even if it doesn't have hardwood floors.
During the last weeks I've been trying to make this place more comfortable and at the same time trying to learn to sew. I made a wonderful set of curtains for my kitchen. Green checkers I believe is the name of the pattern. There are pretty but I can tell I have lots to learn.
I wish I was like my mom. All the years we lived together and I never appreciatted the things she was capable of doing. She knows sewing, knitting, crochet, embroidery, etc. I can't think of one of those craft that she can't do at a master level.
I wish she was here with me now so she could teach me these things and we could do so much stuff together.
Here is a picture of a piece she just finished a few days ago. She was still working on it at the time the picture was taken though. The technique is called crewell. I do not know how they call it in America, I believe is neddlepoint but I'm not sure.
It took a couple weeks after I got to this western city to get a phone line and then some more to get the internet conection working. The good thing is that I live just a couple blocks from the telephone company and therefore I have an unbelievable fast conection. I love it!
The apartment where I live it's nice, but I have conflicted feelings about it. It's a very Old but pretty house that it's surrounded by 3 buildings.
On the right there is an "Hotel" that in my opinion doesn't look very reputable. The first week we got here my husband saw what he though it was a guy trying to pee inside his own truck. It was weird because the guy was outside the truck with the dooropen and kind of leaning forward, just like if he was peeing. When looking more carefully the guy realized my husband was there and tried leaning forward a little further. It turned out to be that it wasn't peeing. In fact he wasn't doing much, somebody else was doing it for him.
On the left we have some sort of "apartment complex". Each apartment is tiny enought to have a bed, TV, a refrigerator and a microwave inside. The rent is month to month and it's only $400. Some of the people that lives there looks terribly shady and I don't like them. When I was moving in I witnessed a fight between some of them. It was just the first day here.
On the back of the building, just crossing the street there is another building. Very nice too. It looks brand new and very sophisticated. I couldn't believe it when I found out that only people that makes less than $17,000 a year can live there.
The apartment has hardwood floor. It's such a wonderful thing. I love it. I never lived anywhere with hardwood floors and it's fantastic. But other than that It was a big mess here. When we arrived I spent almost 2 weeks just cleaning and organizing. The bathroom and the kitchen were disgusting and the windows where just tinted with filth. It wasn't like I had any choice because I had the truck loadded with my stuff waiting outside the door so I pretty much was stuck with signing the lease.
The landlord is a joke. He simplely has no idea what is going on here. All the repairs that we have pending he seems to have forgotten. I really do not like him but again, I'm stuck with him at least until spring when I'm sure I'll move to another place, even if it doesn't have hardwood floors.
During the last weeks I've been trying to make this place more comfortable and at the same time trying to learn to sew. I made a wonderful set of curtains for my kitchen. Green checkers I believe is the name of the pattern. There are pretty but I can tell I have lots to learn.
I wish I was like my mom. All the years we lived together and I never appreciatted the things she was capable of doing. She knows sewing, knitting, crochet, embroidery, etc. I can't think of one of those craft that she can't do at a master level.
I wish she was here with me now so she could teach me these things and we could do so much stuff together.
Here is a picture of a piece she just finished a few days ago. She was still working on it at the time the picture was taken though. The technique is called crewell. I do not know how they call it in America, I believe is neddlepoint but I'm not sure.
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